just Dave

babe wake up @theonion.com dropped another all-timer in its print edition

listen I’m only a casual NBA watcher and not much of a Ball Knower in terms of bball team strategy or whatever but having said all that- is there even a *slight* possibility that the Timberwolves could lose a game this season? from what I’m seeing rn it seems like there’s prob no chance at all

“100 more years of hippo campus. we’ll be back”

“I sweat like this even if I don’t have a brain tumor, just letting you know. I’m not gonna like fall over or anything.” Jake from Hippo Campus

v excited for the “HELL YEAH LETS FUCKIN PARTY but srsly dude fuck cancer I really hope everything turns out ok NOW PLAY THE HITS” show

Man who won’t give his employees piss breaks claims many piss breaks on the horizon

about to be a riot at this Trucksploration event bc half the kids are going nuts on all the truck horns while the other half are desperately searching for a sensory room

Trans Teen Hatches Nefarious Plot To Undergo Years Of Medical Treatments And Counseling To Win At Swimming https://theonion.com/trans-teen-hatches-nefarious-plot-to-undergo-years-of-m-1850433563/

Maybe the most important political story of our time. People just want the bullshit to stop.

if your pillowcase seams aren’t lined up at the top and bottom of your pillow then your pillow won’t work properly, just an fyi

happy new Gruffalo book release day to those who celebrate

we’re all looking for the party’s unflinching support that did this

there are entire large clothing brands right now built on the single idea that we need special pants for the airport

our oldest started kindergarten today so we made The Sign, and after thinking long and hard about what he wanted to be when he grows up, he decided ‘bowling man’ I will stop at nothing to make sure that becomes a real job that he can have bc he’s a creative genius

give Wile E Coyote an oscar nom you cowards

hello! my name is timmy (blumhouse 2027)

this Target is playing Afterthought by Tame Impala over the store speakers, that’s like not even in the top 5 singles from that album 🤔 they truly did blow up into global muzak, get that bag Kev

My SIL is teaching remotely at a school in southern Illinois and I was not ready to learn about the mascot

Attendance for Weird Al Yankovic at the Minnesota State Fair Grandstand: 14,018 (sold out).

I was worried about Tame Impala tonight because the new album is a dud. But holy shit it was a *fantastic* show. The crowd was really diverse, too, from parents to teens to everything in between. It was like the Breakfast Club up in that bitch. Gift link to my review:

sure I’m totally chill, totally totally, extremely chill, it’s only Tame Impala Day why do you ask

Usain Bolt could not be reached for comment as he was busy hanging out telling jokes grooving to music savoring delicious food and otherwise deepening his relationships by just straight vibing out with his friends and family

your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to help me find a GA floor ticket to the Tame Impala show

cream cheese churros from Centro my goodness

Consumer Reports tested 13 e-scooters to rate and review. But because of the frequency of injuries being reported - including injuries sustained by the CR testers themselves in this process - CR is not recommending ANY. www.consumerreports.org/cars/electri...

"You were riding in the morning, or at night, or on a quiet road, or a main road. The only time and place to ride a bike is a time beyond time and a place beyond place, where the space-time continuum is bent so strangely that you are both everywhere and nowhere." buff.ly/bSa1Wm5

huge thief. gigantic even

what is an acceptable amount for a grow up to sweat at an indoor kids adventure park, asking for a friend

Peggy Flanagan: "We need to rip ICE apart and stop from them from terrorizing our communities"

we need to make all marketing emails and cold-intro LinkedIn recruiting msgs cost money, I may run on this platform

can we maybe get like 1 or 2 grocery store aisles that are only for the non-protein added stuff

gets incredible air here

Minneapolis Public Schools is looking for bicycle mechanics (or even just enthusiastic volunteers) to help tune up the district's fleet so that they are ready for 4th/5th grade bike education this fall! Drop-in sessions are open from August 10-19, basically all day. Sign up here: bit.ly/mpsbike

abolish LiveNation as soon as possible www.punknews.org/article/8882...

definitely one of my top The World Is Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid To Die albums

at the end of the article about budget-focused city layoffs, they casually mention that MPD went 15x over its overtime budget last year and ended up spending on overtime the exact budget gap we’re facing

pretzels are a terrible snack unless they’re the long rod ones in which case they’re an elite snack

first they came for the lettuce and I said nothing for I didn’t need it, then they came for the bacon and I said nothing for I didn’t need it to my fellow tomato sandwich enjoyers, now we can truly be free www.washingtonpost.com/health/2026/...

banger moon tn tbh