The Prodigal Carpetbagger

Me: I promise not to get all political Me two drinks in: So first of all Thomas Paine would have nuked these fuckers like last year and thought nothing of it

One of my more crank/tin pot dictator moves were I running the show in the US would be federalizing the public university system and then restructuring things to incentivize going out of state

This line led at least one person to clap. Just a whole political movement for easily conned idiots who are also racist

Today I am thinking about Jimmy McGill repeatedly reaching for feminine self-descriptors unprompted when masculine self-descriptors also exist and are available (calling himself a "lioness", "she speaks through me. I am but a humble vessel", "Erin Brockovich")... Jimmmyyyyy

I mean this is pretty worthless as I'm just some guy who makes a couple hundred calls but also this is the first cycle in six years I'm sitting out Alaska races. There are other Democrats in competitive races I can spend my limited free time on who aren't moral cowards

You see Alabama is a sovereign state, with sovereign dogs and sovereign hate. They stand for the Bible, for the Constitution, they stand against Communist revolution. They say, "It's pinkos like you that freed the slaves!" ...and they're right.

Volunteering at the holy relics museum and people keep asking me if they can fuck John the Baptist’s shin. Buddy they won’t even let ME fuck it

There's a hidden place where the ladies have no face And the men in fear run and scream and flee from here

The offending salmon:

Account books are the first draft of history

Whenever your parked car gets smashed beyond usefulness, remember that the other driver's phone buzzed and there was a tiny chance it was a life-or-death emergency

I feel like it's undersold that Bleeding Kansas was initially some (mostly unsuccessful) northern small business owners and farmers vs. an organized militia led by a former fucking US Senator

Gavin Newsom has never met a flim flam scam that he doesn't want to crush into a fine powder and snort off his desk

The new ChatGPT ads really highlight how useless it is as a search engine and how great it is at reflecting back the things I'm saying to me so I feel less lonely

People are responding to this like I'm not joking and wasn't in a Rush-themed high school drumline for literal years of my life. Polyrythms nearly killed me I know they exist!!!

My cat knows I'm reading a horror novel and has decided to set the mood by being extra scary. Like she's never snuck up behind me to boop the back of my neck before, but she's done it twice in the last hour and also screamed like a human baby from the dark kitchen. What an asshole

Roosevelt and Truman wanted the Soviets to join the Pacific war. The August offensive in Manchuria was the culmination of that diplomatic effort. Do people just not know this or…?

you know I think I can believe these heartless swamp germans invented capitalism

I genuinely hate this administration and everyone that's worked to make it possible beyond what can be put into words or actions. Like I could scrub them from the earth like a stain out of my shirt and I'd still be mad

Lyndon Johnson mentioned!

You know the part of Henry VIII's reign where a huge portion of the country is just like waiting around tapping their watches wondering when this fuck is finally going to die of his many diseases? Yeah.

I really don't understand the pathological commitment of so many to dying in office

I appreciate movies and shows now always showing me they take place either before or after 2020-2021. The bad years were a lie and never happened. Thank you for reminding me

I've been really beating myself up in a pretty mean way for forgetting to take my antidepressants yesterday, which I think is a sign they work

Most adults don't know this trick for lower back pain but if you call the central banks who have been buying gold the hot single MILFs in your area will explain it to you

A happy 4th of July to my ancestors who came to the US to escape either political or criminal persecution, and a dogshit 4th of July to those who would prevent people from coming to the US to escape criminal or political persecution. You are deeply anti-American, this country is for everyone

"God strikes down the evil antichrist president with the literal heat of hell on the Fourth of July" is some Left Behind bullshit I didn't expect to be rooting for

Please god it would be so funny

Disclosure Day was just...bad. Like not even interesting bad, it just feels like the rough draft of a movie

I think it's funny when my fellow Americans who like AI compare it to cars vs. horses. Like can you *imagine* a world where Americans cling to an outdated transportation technology beyond all logic or reason and to the massive detriment of tbe country? How silly!

the democratic rank and file is being arrested for posting newspaper articles and getting 50 year sentences for distributing zines and democratic leadership is more concerned with their friends getting primaried than any of it

I feel like we keep getting sent a message

We will never have any hope of moral progress until we declare that the republic is about more than luxury real estate and influencer culture. We must reject the opiate of domination for the purifying hardship of Commonwealth and liberty for all. Feel the bite of the morning wind. Live.

Followed a family wedding with a road trip to Appomattox and a few other sites, then demolished a deck while listening to a podcast about World War 2 in the Pacific