Lung Biscuit

Data center pattern baldness. Trying to make it stick.

I assumed it just waved. #CorgiCrew #VioletHasJokes

Someone go check how many bets those refs in Detroit placed against the Packers. Has to be more than 0 @nflbluesky.bsky.social

Elizabeth Holmes is objectively a better founder than Elon Musk. •Musk used 19th century tech that was commercially available for all his startups and never tried anything new. •Musk never got into college •Musk had an apartheid diamond mine for funding - Holmes had her college fund. •Musk blows

Shane Gillis has an extra chromosome and that extra chromosome has an extra chromosome. It’s why he doubles down on such stupid jokes.

New running bit where I refuse to do any work anyone asks me to do ever again and cite the passing of Dolly Parton as the reason.

I encourage you all to stream folk punk music videos on YouTube while you nap so those kids can buy PBR and cigarettes. Thanks in advance.

In 2011 I was hit by a car and had a broken skull. My brain was bleeding. I had to take 2 life flights to get home. I still can’t smell or taste most things, but I didn’t decide to exploit the legal system for my personal gain because I would rather be dead than talk to a personal injury lawyer.

Heads up: Taylor Farms lettuce is sold under these brand names: Marketside (sold at Walmart) Earthbound Farm (owned by Taylor Farms) Cross Valley Farms (owned by US Foods) Private labels for Target, Whole Foods (365), and Amazon Fresh. AVOID ALL OF THEM

Dogs and their skill of befriending literally everything. Original post

They say that admitting you are obsessed with Jimothy, the raccoon with Shortened Spine Syndrome, is the 1st step to recovery...

BREAKING: Canine delivers strongest bipartisan statement of the year.

Belgium trolled the US with a savage two-word message after knocking them out of the World Cup: “Overturn this.”

Congrats to T-Swift on killing everyone at her wedding.

Could there ever be a show that captures a cultural moment as accurately as Portlandia nailed hipsterism? Or did irony-based humor kill irony? Like kids are wearing mullets and windbreakers in earnest today, and it’s throwing me because we did that shit to be clowns.

My son grew potatoes as an experiment at school and came home with a small bag of the harvest he managed to get which he used to make baked potatoes for dinner. I am proud of my son. 🥰

In honor of the true heroes on this Memorial Day, I fixed it. #DonaldTrump #MemorialDay

SPOTTED in rural Tennessee: “Iran your gas prices up” sticker⛽️

So once applications open for the $1.7B slush fund, we're all going to apply and break their portal, right?

After reading the Epstein files something in me broke for good. I have no desire to watch Hollywood worship itself ever again. The red carpets, the galas, the celebrity machine — it all feels next level grotesque now. 🧵

This is amazing - @kevinolearytv 🤡 is fearmongering about Chinese agents opposing his giant Utah data center… but it’s 2 young local girls in Utah who hilariously call him (and his “dumbass hat”) out👇🏽 Full: www.instagram.com/reel/DYU074V...

N628TS Took off from Austin, Texas, United States.

bsky.app/profile/murs...

Supreme courts are funny because they’re like “you didn’t follow the made up rules when you were making up made up rules” Seems obvious to go with the rules that benefit the most people, but 4-6 people can disagree, and then we all get $8.00 gas and child sex traffickers.

When people ask me why I never liked Joe Rogan…

American Fascists can’t even make the trains run on time.

N628TS Landed in Hawthorne, California, United States. Apx. flt. time 56 min.

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

My girlfriend was on the phone with her parents when her mom casually mentioned that she had backed over her dad with the truck. He’s OK, but the lack of surprise from anyone was telling.

They’re telling me a great empire will be destroyed if I attack Persia. Even the oracles who don’t like me very much, very nasty, they all said to me, “Sir, it’s one of the great empires, and it’ll be destroyed. And all because you attacked Persia.” That’s what they’re telling me.

@nbcolympics.bsky.social needs to stop showing that guy who got his ass beat in a fight he had no business in while I’m trying to watch actual athletes.

What an embarrassing circus this regime is 🎪

God bless Minnesota

Non NIL schools should just injure NIL players and rob their locker rooms.

Had to cancel my @hiltonhonors.bsky.social because they decided to have Gestapo in their hotels, and that’s antithetical to my views on Nazis. 90,000 points was a tiny price to pay.

Merry Christmas! Michelle and I hope you have a wonderful holiday filled with light and joy.

This was Tinker and we all miss her very much.

Favorite sub genres of Netflix Christmas movies. • Rich girl and poor ski resort guy • Rich guy and poor small shop girl • Royal doppelgänger • Winery • Hired date • Exes forced together

Mockler: It's honestly humiliating that other countries are treating our president like a child, like a baby. It's like if I created a peace prize and I gave it to myself. I'm like, I'm just going to keep this medal on all night. Our president is an actual child

florence pew: thread

X rolled out a new feature overnight showing where accounts are based. This network of “Trump-supporting independent women” that claimed to be “real Americans” are based in Thailand. The photos were stolen from European models & posts pushed pro-Trump lines while targeting Islam and LGBTQ people.

These people are deep into committing election fraud, so they assume everyone else is too "Every accusation is a confession" remains undefeated

Incoming! A Purple Sandpiper doing an impression of a helicopter? For #PhotoFailFriday #WorstBirdPic #birds 🌿