Matthew Link

Bad news for dyslexic men tonight… your cocks go black

Got mugged last night by six dwarves. Not Happy.

Gutted the Liverpool players didn’t kick off then walk off the pitch in protest to the cheats they were playing today. Would have properly set down a marker for the ruination of football by City

The Lance Armstrong of football. Naaaa naaaa naaaa, na na na naaaaa, na na na naaaaa, GUILTY!

Reform UK plc. A party by millionaires for the millionaires. Any working person who believes they have your best interests at heart are, quite frankly, fucking deluded and have the brain capacity of a potato

They all knew ahead of time who he is...

Can’t believe that 2 months today will be the 25th anniversary of 9/11

I see the wrong 80 year old star of Home Alone 2 has died. RIP Tim Curry

People losing their shit like they’ve never seen the sun or the moon. Big woooooo 🙄

There now follows a party election broadcast by the Count Binface Party, And if I do say so myself, it's a banger. #VoteBinface #Clacton

Arf

Je suis Belgique

Only £20m in tax paid between Charlie Dickfingers and Prince Slaphead last year. Sovereign grant doubled to nearly £100m in the last 3 years when an inflationary increase would be c. £45m. Outdated concept and a drain on the public purse. Turn the residences into hotels and save a few quid

No matter how late it is, it’s never as late as it will be later on!!

Today, my yoga teacher was very drunk, which put me in an awkward position.

RIP Sonny Rollins. A, quite literally, Saxophone Colossus

End of an era. Thank you Mo and Robbo for 9 amazing years. Mo wasn’t bad for a one season wonder

You’d think with the sheer amount of guns in that country, at least someone could be a better shot! Another false flag to file alongside the ‘loss’ of his ear Suspension of the mid-terms incoming… See 1930s Germany for full details of how this plays out

Dog bothering deviant. LivCry

Another Everton first. Arf!!

RIP to the 97. YNWA youtube.com/watch?v=ieVU...

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www.thepoke.com/2026/04/02/t...

[Sade voice 🎵]

No sweat 😉 (Did not get from Woking!)

You’re facking nicked, me ole beauty.

Commiserations to the royal family on the death of Andrew, in a car crash, next week!

Prisoner Cell Block HRH

I do hope that Pronce Nince is on tag

Apparently one in three Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed, which is fucking mad because those places are usually busy and really well lit.

Well that was awkward. I was expecting Bugs Bunny.

A couple of my mates are throwing a joint Chinese New Year and Burns Night party. It's called Chinese burns night. I didn't want to go but they twisted my arm.

Well played.

Greenland is the modern day ‘Lebensraum’. Trump I’d just another one of those fascia dictators with ideas way above his skill set - time to invest in a lamp post and some fishing wire!!

America. Lovely country. Some lovely people live there. But governed by a madman with actions reminiscent of a certain Austrian in the 1930s

If it was about drugs, why do you need access to the oil? Asking for a friend…

Dear Pete Hegseth, no, the world does not respect your commander in chief. Most of us with a modicum of commence sense, travelled, or just have more than 2 brain cells to rub together think he is a massive bellend (and you’re a massive throbber too). My grandad fought against fascists like your lot

Merry Christmas everyone. Hope you and your loved ones have a fantastic day

Stoke is being twinned with Las Vegas. They’re the only two places where you can pay for sex with chips.

Bin the wools and geg-ins off before Slot. Fucking whoppers can do one

Fuck off Andy Madely, you dog bothering deviant

Quite honestly, I don’t think the BBC are in any position to tell us what children need, given they were a safe haven for nonces for many a year!!

Seeing as how Trump and his Magats love freedom of speech so much, I’ll exercise my right… Fuck rarr off, you tango faced shitgibbon. The best part of you trickled down your Ma’s crack after you popped out.

How come the “save our kids” lot aren’t marching on Buckingham Palace?

Pronce Nince