~175 lbs

Me at the Comedy Store the first time I saw him smash the watermelon

I get to teach my favorite reading of the semester tomorrow, @benschwartz.bsky.social's "Knock Yourselves Out"

Glad God was able to turn it around and settle down

SHOCKING REPORT: Cameron Winter has copped his singing style from the “Lightning Strikes” section of Eccojams Vol 1

Perdido Street Station

I knew the Sixers would win bc Joel Embiid's statline played the song

From early Nirvana to Phish, a Chicago fan’s secret recordings of 10,000 shows are now online. blockclubchi.co/4t6zW7R

I am drunk and!!!!!!! The killers are good :)

Enjoying the new Eternal Champion EP. Did not realize Lin-Manuel Miranda fronted a metal band

It is with a heavy heart that we relay the news of the passing of legendary Pirates and National Baseball Hall of Famer, Bill Mazeroski. Maz was a 7-time All-Star who hit the greatest home run in baseball history. He was a beloved member of the Pirates family and he will be deeply missed.

Extremely rude way to refer to Anthony Davis

Dan McQuade, 1983–2026: defector.com/dan-mcquade-...

Took me way longer than most but I finally got the AI to tell me how to kill myself. Instructor was so proud of me he teared up a little while handing me my certificate of completion

My father-in-law is a reader. He is insanely gifted. We were in a bookstore together years ago and I asked him what it would cost to read Infinite Jest today. I will never forget his answer… “We can’t, we don’t know how to do it.”

Multiple demonstrations are being organized in Chicago this weekend in response to federal agents killing a man in Minneapolis this morning. I'm seeing announcements of a protest at 3 pm today in Little Village. Another today at 3 pm in Logan Square Yet another downtown at 1 pm tomorrow

Wrote about ★

Soup de la Nut

I would hate to be Tongue Conquest right now

Remaking Gilmore girls a year in the life except instead of Rory having written one article for the New Yorker, she wrote the gooning article for Harper’s

One must imagine Elio cozy

Enjoyed the latest from @katewagner.wehwalt.net on U of C's finances Seems relevant that they also recently built an $80m parking garage (their fourth) Starchitects might be their second love, but the automobile and isolation from the neighborhood is their first. www.thenation.com/article/cult...

This the shit you say thing to wrangle investors to prop you up for another round of funding. Tech guys and hedge funds are now the only ones rich enough to buy at market valuation so I guess you have to speak their language for franchises 31 and 32

I will definitely be an old guy who keeps falling down so much that friends and family beg me to use a walker. “Still got it 😎” I’ll think moments before eating shit

Birds, famous for looking up at things,

[guy who has a hammer] looks like another job for a hammer

Computer heard me mutter “ugh, just fucking kill me” upon hearing a shitty betterhelp ad so now I am hearing twice as many betterhelp ads

Ok, FUCK! I have just learned that BDS does NOT mean “buy dis stuff”. I have only eaten Burger King for 16 months thinking I was supporting Palestine. And instead I have been having 100% liquid shits for over a year for no reason

[drunk in Miami and trying to remember Dan Marino’s name]

When mom tells me it’s my turn to open one of my Christmas gifts from under the tree

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z61j...

Open mic where instead of giving you the light they train a red sniper mark on your forehead

[roger clemens voice] i am not throwing away my shot