Matt Alston

Reading Larry David's Air Mail satire and tapping the sign

"I just drove all the way to Brooklyn to check out this store"

When people say stuff like this, they should just say ME-2. Maine’s got a blue house, blue senate, split federal senate seats for decades, a blue governor, and is more progressive than all but about 10-12 states. this joke is getting old.

I wrote this. Since it published a few hours ago my main man Troy Jackson has texted me three (3) times baby.

Betteridge’s Law example of all time?

Okay, calling it now. @pablo.show is gonna find Albert Pujols’ birth certificate by the end of next week

The Social Network score had a damn stranglehold on late-night writing sessions for a decade, but there's a new girl in town since 2020 and she never disappoints

Everyone I’ve met in Jackson Hole is a

I'll do albums, even — Exile on Main Street; Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain; Maggot Brain

Selling stuff on Facebook and observing some high school acquaintances having an extremely normal time

The most soul-affirming, earnest communication attempts on the entire internet: boomers posting comments on YouTube clips of classic rock concerts. The most depraved: Facebook comments on news posts about bicycle safety

Wrote about failed ebike startup Rad Power Bikes for @inc.com As I was fussing with pitching this story, the company filed for bankruptcy and then a warehouse of its bikes caught on fire. Ever have a metaphor just ... land in your lap?

boomers love this question as the appetizer to a line of questioning wondering "how you ended up doing this," which ends with a really condescending "good for you" type attaboy and a 10% tip

guy takes a long voyage to save society & misses his kid's childhood. whenever he stops to rest it's on a Dunkirk beach and his men get wiped out. he's always sad bc he recalls inventing a WMD and he palms a trinket to recall home life. loses, then regains, his memory, returns home, becomes batman

Woke 2 bellwether

An all time touch grass heat check and people addicted to dumbass social algorithms will prob learn nothing

This Claude ad on Instagram reveals the story of a restaurateur who used Claude to ... move things closer to the cooks who needed those things? Why didn't the cooks just set up their mise better? What are we even talking about anymore

DID YOU KNOW IF YOU FIND A HORSESHOE CRAB THATS BEEN TAGGED BY THE FISH AND WILDLIFE SERVICE AND SUBMIT THE LOCATION YOU SAW IT USING THE FORM ON FWS DOT GOV SLASH CRABTAG THEY SEND YOU A BEAUTIFUL CRAB PIN

When you all talk bad about Maine this is who you’re insulting

Guys want one thing and it's disgusting

Malcolm X, Network, McCabe & Mrs Miller, O Brother Where Art Thou, but only Jaws is perfectly about a type of East-Coast American hubris our the (lack of ultimate) control over nature AND takes place on the Fourth of July

I have tremendous pride being the least picky eater I know; I love everything. Everyone else is a weenie!

#1 rule of wearing a cool dumb shirt with words on it is “don’t draw attention to the cool dumb shirt with words on it.” Play it cool! Let someone notice your cool dumb shirt!

We live in a post-metaphor society. President snoozing on live TV, bareknuckle boxing on the White House lawn, health secretary chugging unpasteurized milk and leaping into a hot tub in jeans. Robert Coover lived a very long life but I'm still sad he missed 2026.

Look, the “Are You A Real New Yorker“ folks have absolutely nothing on Mainers when it comes to insane anti-transplant NIMBY gatekeeping and outsider hatred. very silly stuff up here.

80s: Do the Right Thing 90s: Heat 00s: Mulholland Drive 10s: Mission Impossible: Fallout 20s: Tar

Harper's Letter signatories must be devastated at 60 Minutes' lack of civility and intense censoriousness toward Pelley's free speech. Why wouldn't Bari simply engage him in healthy debate?!?

This + a National Treasure sequel every 4 years. We should be discussing the Cage replacement like we do new James Bonds

:: TikToker service industry story about tipping:: SewingBetsy65: No one gave ME a tip at MY job.…u should be mad at your BOSS! redTruckSteve: You don’t have to pay tax on tips because turmp? WatchGuy3849: since whens a tip based on the $$ of the bill? is it worth $10 more to bring me a steak?!

Title or not, first finals appearance of the century for the Knicks after the Mamdani election is so powerful. He should just go ahead and take credit for it.

"No Mow May" is a psyop organized by Big Tick and I will not be participating!

I have the world’s least monetizable hidden talent and I love it for exactly that reason. Just did this during a Zoom meeting and have already shaken it away:

This has been such a persistent issue with the @nytimes.com in particular, and criticized so often, that you really can't see it as an oversight anymore, but as a deliberate policy of contempt towards other media outlets.

no one on Bluesky talks about NCAA basketball transfers in May, so I logged into my (defunct, abandoned) Twitter account to take a peek at the rumor mill for my college's roster moves and MY GOD ARE THEY MAD ABOUT CHRISTOPHER NOLAN'S THE ODYSSEY on that website

Saw a @jfrankensteiner.bsky.social post on the other site about Charlie Rose, and recalled this Richard Ford interview, where only 3 minutes in, Charlie pauses, and just hits him with "your dad. did your dad die in your arms?" Charlie out there just saying WHATEVER. charlierose.com/videos/6113

Terence Howard Math as rhetorical policy

Showing up to school drop-off feeling like I got shot out of a cannon, ready to run through a brick wall, because my 7yo daughter is obsessed with ”City Can’t Hold Us” by Macklemore and it’s all she wants to hear in the car.

7yo daughter lost a tooth the night before Easter while we were staying at a hotel along with 2 other families, one whose daughter ALSO lost a tooth the same day … so we all had to coordinate how each family receives Easter baskets AND tooth fairy payments, tough math