Dr. Phil Acula, Vampire. Not Changing It

Down by the bay, — where the melons grow, — Back to my home I dare not go. For, If I do, My mother will say, — "Did you ever see a llama, Wearing polka dot pajamas?"

I made something that pretty well approximates Pad Thai last night, all of the textures and most of the flavors were there. but it had some wild substitutions so I took zero photos because I have some Thai friends whom I would like to keep

from: weskera@umbrellalabs.com to: [entire t-virus research team] subject: Regarding my wearing sunglasses in the lab being 'unprofessional' body: Suck my dick.

I've decided that whenever it's my time to go, I want to be buried in a tomb. whichever one I'm closest to, I guess, for simplicity's sake

Ever try a game you hadn't played in a while, but have no idea where you left off? A ghost couldn't wait and played a bit further

When Hamlet is given Yorick's skull, he has to be told it belonged to the late court jester. He could've just checked the humerus

If you have a monster problem, definitely do NOT show them your kitchen. They will never shut up asking if you have a Scare Fryer

Witches became much more prolific after the computer word processor was invented. It's way easier to cast magic with a spell check

I'm running for mayor because I want the key to the city. It's a key that can open any lock in the city. I will use it to go into houses to chew on the table legs. They can't arrest me because I am the mayor. Please vote for me and drop your address in the comments so I can chew your baseboards.

Bluesky has four kinds of users.

Nachos Corn chips from scratch, guacamole from scratch, cheddar cheese sauce from scratch worth it even if we're out of cilantro again

Me: I don't see any reason to use AI Slop peddlers: You know how you want to sell books but you hate writing? Me: No, I love writing. The only reason I care about selling books is so I can afford to write instead of getting a real job Slop peddlers: Oh. Well... You know how you hate your kids?

Well, this blows. My agent says that Wicker movie has made my script about making a wife out of Babybel wax wrappers “unsellable” and “stupid”

*taps jar*

I've noticed that few babysitters list whether they are skeletons or not. I would think parents want to know if they make rattle noises

Mummies are notoriously picky when it comes to dating. They are all too wrapped up in themselves

How can you tell if someone you know on social media is a witch? Their pronouns are listed as "he/he/he"

I am 45 now. Batmen my age no longer respond to my performative ways as predictably as they once did. They ask for clarity and consistency. They are less impressed by self-awareness. Faced with that shift, I kidnapped Jason Todd.

I am 45 now. Batmen my age no longer respond to my performative ways as predictably as they once did. They ask for clarity and consistency. They are less impressed by self-awareness. Faced with that shift, I kidnapped Jason Todd.

One thing videogames got right is that it's very difficult to fast travel when you're carrying 120kg of acorns

I heard there was a secret chord That Tommy played for the Dragonzord But you don’t really care for morphin’ do you It goes like this, the ranger 6th, The music swell, the major riff, The magic brings the dragonzord right to you

Skeletons are perfect job hires. They work their fingers to the bone! And they're never late with car trouble, they ride boocycles

Some witches don't figure out their magical abilities until they're much older! They're called late broomers

People have been complaining about the wave of slop on the first couple of days of Steam Next Fest, but you're only getting a glimpse of what's in my inboxes week in week out for the past couple of years now. It's worse than the whole "asset flip" thing by several magnitudes.

AI proponents cling to the idea that the tech is going to enable boundless creativity, but I've seen what it enables; endless spam. It's enabled people without a single ounce of creativity in their bodies to make endless Balatro clones, genuinely no thoughts of their except Balatro but slop.

bold of you to assume that I ever want to own a car again

Skeletons have many enemies found in nature; dogs, osteoporosis, He-man. But scariest of all are sky giants who want to make bread

Mummies loved cats, but they preferred them outside. Having a litter box indoors really sphinx up the tomb

If you're camping in the woods at night and you hear the witch mafia, steer clear! They might make you an offer you chant refuse

BAKERS! It is Dessert Week! Lava cakes aren't super tricky so long as you're okay with hovering by the oven window until you're like 90% sure they're set around the outsides. These are chocolate peanut butter, because the Italian grocery has "Military Chocolate" toothpaste tubes full of that flavor

uhh dude they just doxxed you on the ghostbusters wiki ghostbusters.fandom.com/wiki/Dweeb_R...

Werewolves are made when a werewolf bites a person, but what about if a werewolf bites another werewolf? Do they just never change back? IS THIS WHERE WOLVES COME FROM

Egyptians would often remove a mummy's nose before burial. Otherwise they would smell

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb? It depends. What do you want them to change it into?

they said it couldn't be done, but I eat laundry for breakfast 💪💪

Putting words to action. Here are some other current studios housing former BioWare folks (that I have readily available links for): @summerfallstudios.com @studioresetgames.bsky.social @yellowbrickgames.bsky.social @exodusgameofficial.bsky.social @trickweekes.bsky.social

the Italian McDonald's is about to launch a Tex Mex burger 🤔👀

Did you know? Ghosts are the only monsters that can bite you and you won't turn into one yourself. Bite away, ghosts!

Graveyards are such a weird science experiment. We've planted billions of skeletons and not one has grown into a people tree

Everyone knows mummies are afraid of fire, but so are lots of people, so that's not helpful. What you really need to have handy is a British Museum ID badge

Been betrayed by mother? Miette & Co Lawyers are here for you, guaranteed 1000 years jail

Wish someone would release patches for my vulnerabilities