Phil Johnson

New song out today and it's about exactly who you think it is. Listen at fanlink.tv/ahole2025

Calling out churches for violating the law isn’t “persecution” or “intimidation.” Churches are free to preach whatever they want, but tax-exempt status comes with rules. If pastors want to operate as political operatives, they can pay taxes like everyone else.

Today is #VoteEarlyDay! There's never been a better time to show up in droves and prove to the Christian nationalists in power what the people really want. What's your early voting plan? Learn more at voteearlyday.org ➡️ ffrf.us/4hPVTVu

I'm listening to the audio ook of Preparing For War by Bradley Onishi about the recent history of Christian Nationalism. He's a former CN and religious history professor, so he k is his stuff. Really good. Extremely aggravating. Have your blood pressure pills nearby.

A man in the audience told me the metric system was un-American. I had a few questions about that. My fan community gets new clips first, members-only livestreams, and discounted show tickets. Link in bio.

I came across a scientific comparison that seemed worth investigating. The more I thought about it, the more questions I had. I drop new material in my fan community first. Members get livestreams and discounted tickets too. Link in bio.

I've been reconsidering how much time we spend trying to feel good. There may be a more efficient approach. Free EP plus everything else my fan community gets — early access, livestreams, the unreleased stuff. Link in bio.

School music programs should be opening doors for kids. But because of Donald Trump's tariffs, schools are struggling to put instruments in students' hands. Even kids are paying the price for Trump's economic agenda.

Americans, please don’t worry about your child coming home from school a different sex. Worry about your child not coming home from school because they were shot to death.

Rome has no shortage of history. Some of it makes for a very interesting tour. 👀 Join the fan community for early clips, livestreams, and ticket deals. Link in bio. #ComedyReels #StandUpComedy #PhilJohnson

Republicans are very angry that "Rachel" is the biggest dick shape on the map. Trans storms getting out of hand, they say.

My girlfriend said voting on all these propositions on the ballot feels like homework. I said, yeah, except when we had homework we didn't have to assume both the textbook and teacher were lying to us.

For anyone complaining about "California is expensive".

The biggest lie on the ballot is the phrase "Nonpartisan Office".

Go listen to Greg's album. It's fantastic and absolutely worth your time if you like comedy with a brain.

The ghosts of Tammany Hall stand in awe.

Oh.. oh no...

One fact can take you surprisingly far if you stop asking questions at the right moment. Join the fan community for early clips, livestreams, and ticket deals. Link in bio. #Comedy #ConspiracyComedy #StandUp

You mean to say that League of Villains running the Pentagon doesn't know that polygraph tests aren't accurate and also a bunch of those dudes have probably been trained to beat them?

Really taking "a tooth for a tooth" way too literally.

Gemini still has it right. If it says otherwise, correct it and tell it to update its memory.

Everyone's feed today: Touching tribute Beautiful memory Sheer stupidity Touching tribute Beautiful memory F'kn clown show

Every single time Rs give us some "support the troops" line of BS should be met with stories about this ship from now on.

If you think Mike Lindell is weird and stupid, imagine how weird and stupid you'd have to be to work in his campaign team.

I watched this on VHS so many times...

And this googly-eyed chud shouldn't be in charge of anything.

He would have less time to destroy everything if he was constantly fighting impeachment!!! Even if we don’t get the votes it slows everything down Impeach!!!

Superheroes.

Has Ukraine tried shooting Taylor Farms lettuce at the Russians?

Or as parents would say "He's 14,400 months" www.livescience.com/archaeology/...

"In the future every raccoon with a spinal issue will have 15 minutes of fame." - Andy Warhol

Feeling vindicated in my lifelong dislike of Journey.

Darline Graham is the Gallagher II of politics

Live your life in a way that people won't have folders of jokes pre-written for your death.

Every law was created because someone tried to work a loophole and take unfair advantage of the rest of society. All of those people gravitated toward one party and have made it their mission to get rid of all the laws that affect them. And then call themselves the party of law and order.

Most of the nasty comments on my social posts show up overnight. Some people need to either get more sleep or stop being bots.

I never believed in an actual Devil until I saw Christian Nationalism.

Everything is performative with the Reds. Facts be damned.

Gee, I wonder who might have been "egging them on"?

How many days is this stupid empty state fair going on for?

Happy 100th birthday Mel Brooks! Proving the saying that if you do what you love you'll work til you're 100.

This is real "There were 8 people at our 'sold' out comedy show" energy.

Stephen Miller: If I can't see my reflection in that pool, no one can! (Overly long evil laugh...)

A performance from a more civilized age. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pmvd...

#ObamaAppreciationDay

Well done, Knickerbockers.

#squadgoals. Make this happen, Universe.

😱😱😱 And just like that, it’s completely VANISHED from the media. A sitting congressman, Ted Lieu, said on the record the Epstein files are being blocked because they show Trump raped and threatened to kill children. Lets make this viral again 👇

Kristen Welker is my hero this morning. www.mediaite.com/media/news/i... This is what every journalist should be doing.