Charlie Twerk

[Darkened room] Melania: I must speak my darkest truth: the onion powder, it makes no sense to me. Just use an onion. There are many types of food chopper. Just cut the onion into many many tiny and very small pieces. If you do not, you are lying to me. You lie to me and my soul when you do this.

Crook: tell those cops to back off!! I swear to fuckin God I'll do it!! I'll blow a hole in the fuckin planet! Don't push me!! *mild rush of cool air from out of nowhere* Crook: Wha??- Captain Chill!?! Captain Chill: Eyyyy take it down a notch yall Hostages: Ahhhhhhh... Captain Chill: that's right

I'm kinda here for the Katie Zacharia era. Karoline Leavitt was wayyyy too good at a very very very difficult job; the "I Will Inevitably Fuck Up and Say Something Genuinely Next-Level Insane" vibes that Zacharia generates are practically visible little squiggle lines radiating from her mouth

I wish they'd just come up with a new letter or two. I'm talking a couple good throaty vowels, easily crafted into shit I can bellow at the heavens. Do that and suddenly 2027 becomes all about which consonants gonna drop first. In politics this is called owning the narrative

God everything would be so much more interesting if Ghostbusters were suddenly real, wouldn't it be more interesting if you cracked open your phone in the morning and it had some new ghost shit

Pretty irritated that Schmitt's stupid Hawks gaffe captured all the headlines ensuring that we didn't hear hardly one fucking thing that Jack Smith actually said about all the 100% impeachable Trump criming he bumped into in the course of his Congressionally-appointed investigation

Maybe the Democrats should just band together and pledge to give every American a $5001 dividend if they win. Let's make this interesting

Did u guys know sl*pt is a swear word

Democratic strategists: Ahhh! What's the right message!!?? Where do we moderate!?!? Jon Ossoff: This administration is horrible. I hate these people. We should put them in jail. I'm pissed Voters: This guy is cool Strategists: I can't figure it out!!!!!

It's cool that Dana Barrett was a esteemed orchestral cellist in Ghostbusters but was later revealed to also be an esteemed art restoration expert in Ghostbusters 2. Who knows what additional careers might have awaited her in a dynamic 'Busterverse where the only constant appears to be change

Fascinating paper that makes the case that part of the cost of living crisis has been caused by the surge in automobile ownership rates among formerly carless households, who used pandemic aid to buy cars so they could come to work amid the transit shutdowns -- www.sciencedirect.com/science/arti...

Street art seen in Seattle's Pike Place area. #EpsteinFiles

I got served this on Threads and accidentally woke my (very annoyed) husband from laughing so hard when I got to The Point.

A cautionary lesson against naming your facility immediately following your first day on the job

"Hey sweet Macedonian ceremonial urn, I do believe it's mine now" *grabs urn, surreptitiously pours in latte* "eyyyy no big deal, I got this bad boy on etsy! Why do you ask, Officer Louvre??" *blinks w borderline-cherubic nonchalance*

I support Wikipedia, where information is still human-created, fact-checked, and 100% free. Join me! donate.wikimedia.org [I dislike shit like this, but I'm posting it because it's _really_ important. Please consider supporting one of the last bastions of non-partisan factual data we have left.]

41 years ago, Carl Sagan gave a clear and elegant explanation of the science behind global warming.

Another story almost entirely lost in the insanity. Conservatives love to frame this as a win for local media; don't be fooled. This was the law that prevented Sinclair Media from buying any/every station they can afford. Seems like kind of a good guardrail, let's get rid of it. HUGE win for RWM.

Well I don't know about anybody else but am I ever glad (and relieved!) that Congress is finally getting a little break after all the tough work they've been doing steering our country away from disaster. Grab a drink, gang. heck knows you earned it *wipes brow, exhales with relief*

I love that Genghis Khan's alcoholic son Ögedei drank so much that his doctors begged him to reduce his drinking to one cup a day, to which he cheerfully agreed, shortly before commissioning the creation of new, much much larger cups

Benjamin Netanyahu is a war criminal.

I know it's dark humor, but I love it.

Definitely stoked to spend July 4th feeling absolutely miserable on behalf of every animal within a eight-mile radius of the National Mall tonight

Reminder that a timeline exists where Washington is engulfed in flames this weekend, though I am of course highly confident this administration would never allow that to happen by, say, ignoring this regulation or skipping that safety measure

Heat waves suck because they just make conservative media dig in even harder on the denialist schtick. It's one of the most brazen and alarming examples of the right wing information bubble and it's so depressing. Literally all they have left is "but Al Gore overestimated glacial loss in his book"

One of these roof repair guys rules because he's clearly determined that if you're gonna bang loudly on someone's roof all day the least you can do is commit to an impeccably-timed BAM! BA-BA-BA-BAM! BA-BA-BA-BAM! rhythm in obvious tribute to Metallica's "Am I Evil?"

I can't believe there's I'm seeing all this Star Wars stuff and nobody's hopped on an Elden Ring poison swamp so here we go, thx Photopea Also all I want for Christmas is a Chrome extension that somehow flags AI images, seems like it would be much easier w images than text?

Trump: we will rain blows upon you until you eliminate your missile program Iran: you won't T: and your nuclear program I: we'll be keeping that T: fair enough. regime change? I: no T: reopen hormuz? I: *admires fingernails* T: handshake? eye contact? I: *closes door behind them* T: *to camera*

November 6th... 2024. How did I do?

HARPP has released “The Federal Assault on History” the first comprehensive report documenting the Trump administration’s sweeping, coordinated effort since January 2025 to reshape how the American past is recorded, preserved, and shared with the public. Read the report: https://ow.ly/7ab150Zawe5

Pretty wild. This is the oldest book at John King Used & Rare Books in Detroit. It’s a copy of the New Testament from 1482. 10 years before Christopher Columbus Expedition.

Imagine having any kind of persistent emotional investment whatsoever in the Avatar universe/storyline

In Japan, a gorilla 🦍 named Kiyomasa got into trouble with his mate. She kicked him out of their enclosure at the zoo, and he was later spotted sitting alone, seemingly thinking now what

[cashier hesitates] Me: Is there a problem? Cashier: Well it's just... you're purchasing three pounds of beef here sir Me: And? Cashier: No, well I mean.... it's extremely powerful beef sir, are you sure you can handle...? Me: *chuckles* it's okay, I'm a Trump supporter Cashier: [exhales gratefully]

This week on THE ADVENTURES OF MISTMAN: Jungle Explorer 1: dang it's hot out Jungle Explorer 2: boy you said it! So hot and humid, I'm so sweaty! Won't someone help us?? [MISTMAN suddenly appears in cloud of cooling mist] Mistman: shhhh everyone jus chill [sprays down area] Explorers (unison): AHHHH

I feel like 2026 is a real opportunity for the good old catapult to make a big comeback ~ tried n true technology ~ easy to use, just pull lever ~ good for surprising your target, they're like doo-di-doo-di-doo *whomp* ~ no AI bullshit ~ if it works you can talk mad trash because I mean c'mon lol

"There is a fly standing on my eyeball but I don’t even care because all I can think about is cake"

Nobody's interested in engaging with you on these points. Major drawback of basing your rise to power on deceit, deflection, and willful disregard for reality: eventually nobody else wants to talk to you, ever. Let's hear it for relentless polarization, folks! Big props to RWM too, we see u fam

Friendly reminder that tomorrow marks the twelve-week anniversary of the president assuring the nation that the war we'd just started with Iran "could end in three to four weeks, or less."

*wakes up* *rubs eyes, blinks owlishly* *fumbles glasses into face* *cracks open phone* *checks headlines, daring to hope* (sigh) oh well

www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news... hmm huh hmm what a weird funny lookin' sticker to put on a gas can??

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One underreported tragedy of all this: I was taught to regard the Constitution as this high water mark of government structural design, this beacon of democratic order this proud foundation of govt done almost entirely right, and now I'm like "how did you morons not anticipate any of this shit!?"

John Fetterman's laundry pile is a swampy superpustule of shapeless navy blue hoodies and board shorts, a crude cairn of polyester and sweat, squiggly lines bursting free in all directions, invisible worms of Pure Stank coursing skywards, dancing just beyond the boundaries of tangible perception

Your tax dollars paid for this event freedom250.org/celebration/...

Happy Black Helicopter Day to all who celebrate.