Tronquer

Your prez is precient.

I gave up over nine million followers on Twitter to be on Bluesky full time. Yes, as I'm sure many of you have guessed by now, I am Sir Ian McKellen.

Make the most of your lib days off. 😜

Neither do I.

I don't share ideas with my partner any more because I'm always wrong. However, if they get the same suggestion from a mate they'll like it. I now just drop things out to their mates and wait for my ideas to get back to them. Ludicrous success rate.

I've learned over the years that when someone calls in distress, I shouldn't ask if I should come over. Instead I say "I'm already in the car, unless you don't want me there" because people are terrified to bother each other, especially when they're already vulnerable. The call *is* the ask. Go.

AKA JD Dumbass!

Chaos in Washington The new Private Eye is out now.

Please don’t rely on the polls. If they were accurate, we wouldn’t have heard a word about Trump in the last decade.

The first 5 years is always the most difficult part of launching a 3 day Special Military Operation.

For most of my life I've suffered with plantar fasciitis, and I forgot the name of it for a few years, any time it came up, I said I had phimosis, for years I was telling people my foreskin is far too tight and I only realised a couple weeks ago

Early morning worker. Usually pop to Greggs for hot drink/butty deal on way. Staff pre-make my coffee when spotting me in queue & always give me extra bacon in butty. Sometimes I fancy something else but can't risk changing & maybe losing the extra bacon bonus.

I'm no conspiracy theorist, but my zoo seems to have a bottomless supply of baby animals getting born, plastered over social media, but the adult population never seems to increase. Where do all these animals go?

I'm the captain of a navy warship, and my family, which has a proud history of naval service, thinks I joined to continue the tradition. I actually joined because I like Star Trek and this is the closest I can get to being on the bridge of the starship Enterprise.

I put up a "beware of the dog" sign after we were burgled. Our Irish Wolfhound put her paws on the burglar's shoulders as he tried to get in through a forced window. She licked his face until he backed out again. Her tongue obscured his face, so the cops couldn't use the video.

The best compliment I ever received happened 25 years ago. I was 16. She was 6. I had short hair, acne, & dressed like a punk. I was friends with her big sister. One day when I was on my way home, sister told me that 6 had said "When I grow up, I want to be pretty like Cooper." Never forgot it.

Sep. 1893: Women vote in New Zealand. #Democracy is, when the right to vote is not dependent on gender, skin colour, and shoe size. The #shitholeCountry USA, a former world power, had a #dietDemocracy that started with the #VotingRightsAct and lasted 60 years. #OrangeDecibyte #VPTrump destroyed it.

Went to a student party in St Hughes College, Oxford in the mid 1990s. A random petite blonde girl I didn't know invited me to go and "frolic on the lawn". I don't really remember her name or what she looked like, but I am now perpetually worried I may have snogged Liz Truss.

Barbaric Putin hasn't been able to capture Kyiv in 4 1/2 years, but he took The Whore House for a few gallons of diesel.

PLUS … this POS crippled Ukraine’s vital Starshield service with NO warning to Kyiv 🇺🇦

Trumpy gave Putin all his wishes.

X is owned by Musk. TikTok is blocking the Musk movie account. Meta blocked the No Kings account. This is why Democracy Docket is not built on SubStack or any third-party platform that could one day turn against it. It costs more to operate but is worth it. Subscribe now. demdock.com/4w6emld

They could take it back any day.

French guy in the UK with half-English Kids. When my kids are at school I go on their Ipads watch Youtube shorts about PSG, Mbappe, Olise or Barcola, in the hope of tweaking the algorithms; and it seems to work. They can't grow up to become 'it's coming home'-idiots.

Add your fess: http://b3ta.com/addfess

LMAO—I hope she brutally exposes all of them…. but we know she’s stunting for money and will get her payoff, sign the NDA, and disappear from public life.

Add your fess: http://b3ta.com/addfess

🤣🤣🤣

youtu.be/Mgfe5tIwOj0?... #katseye

🙂👍

Our boss likes to tell us about people he's had conflict with, and refers to them as a Karen. Recent examples being the HR lady who made him fill out a form, or the receptionist who made him move his car. He seems to forget my name is Karen. I'm keeping a log of every incident.

If you've got an opinion you want on here - submit it to the form: https://forms.gle/1gNMupaNHQf8xeRE6

I feel Canada’s pain. 🇨🇦