YeahCheersMate

Just so you know, if we know each other and you receive an email about me and this message it’s because Bryan Johnson is a whiny little pissy knickered fucking loser. Let me know if you fancy a pint, by the way. (Not you Bryan, you weird twat)

Absolutely everyone has proposed this in the first couple of months of taking drugs. I know “I thought this was the Onion” is overused but fucking hell.

‘If I was in charge people would be trying to escape Earth”

There’s a guy at this hotel who’s leaning so hard into a vague physical resemblance to David Beckham that he either does it for a living or he’s completely deranged. I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes out tomorrow taking free kicks in a sarong

Following the bbc sport live commentary feed for the Newcastle game is a great way to keep up with what’s happening in the Man Utd and Liverpool games.

I’m pretty confident the wine in this hotel buffet is going to be top notch.

I don’t know anything about tech, but when he pretends to be a tech genius and everyone just laughs I think of what an absolute dildo he sounds like when he pretends to be cultured.

Not as much as it would surprise me if I discovered I gave a shit

Add piss to a band name Jane’s Piss Addiction

One of milli vanilli on a boat. Hope it doesn’t sync #totp

Genuinely nauseating performance from Cliff there #totp

*LarryDavidFallingOverInShock.gif*

If we’re basically all in agreement that rape jokes aren’t a good thing, why is it that prison rape jokes seem to get a pass? Whenever someone we don’t like gets locked up people who wouldn’t dream of it in any other context will pop up with chuckles about them being raped. I don’t get it.

Tapping the sign

Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead for Tax Purposes

in elementary school sometimes they used to tell u "make sure u do this on your own, dont have mommy write it for u". foolish. kids that used mommy freed up significant time for other goals! kids that dont use mommy will fall behind! give all your banking information & biometric data to mommy also

Booked a little break over half term. Accuweather says nice and sunny with smatterings of cloud, BBC weather says absolutely pissing down with occasional thunderstorms.

If the numbers speak for themselves then shut the fuck up

I think the premier league should offer City a kind of footballing trial by combat today. Forget the appeal, it’s done, it’s not happening, but if you can beat Liverpool 114-1 today we scrap the whole thing and carry on as if nothing happened.

When you’re a van driver but also a French child

For Newcastle United and Coventry City, who play on Monday, that international break was the same length as Euro 2008.

Always fun when people in power base their entire power structure on the fear and hatred of something and then tell you they don’t know what it is.

I’ll say this now, anyone sharing clips of (or memes based on) the public execution is getting blocked to absolute fuck. Horrific, ghoulish business.

Love to receive messages from DPD confirming my parcel has been “handed to Rob” (that’s me, but I’m out) accompanied by a photo of it on the front doorstep. Great service.

“Keep Andrew off that Island”

There is absolutely no more tedious use of the internet than “Americans think American food is better than British food, Britons disagree.” It’s the same every time, it never goes away and it’s So. Fucking. Boring.

Brandreth and Archer are (& were) obviously both arseholes’ arseholes but to describe your recently deceased friend, who had been imprisoned for perjury, as “one of life’s great storytellers” is a move.

Sham-paid Supernova

The best thing about the whole Man City business is the fact that Ronaldo quit International football in a huff last night and basically nobody noticed.

@gallowgateshots.bsky.social enjoyed the midweek mags pod as always, but the talk of an extra European place without Man City made me think, if I was involved in football in another country I’d be asking UEFA to recalculate the coefficient due to city’s false success. Could it cost the EPL a place?

Matterface getting in a “this place used to be called Bohemia” early on. Bet you a tenner there’s a Bohemian Rhapsody reference coming, now he’s made sure people will get it.

So it turns out Brazil have a player called Gabriel Good Times

It doesn’t get talked about enough that the original 1970s Emmanuelle movie was directed by a guy by the name of Just Jaeckin

I don’t really get why people are getting excited about City’s titles being “reassigned”. Like, you’ve lived those seasons as a fan (or player), you didn’t experience the joy of winning the league, celebrating together. If that’s not what it’s about then what’s the point?

Was he called Oxide because of the peroxide? #totp

Man City guilty of 114 charges! Well well. Now for the exciting part: several years of appeals and counter appeals and then a fine.

I see John Cleese has been tweeting again

I went to a Quaker school and my band played in a school assembly once. I’ll be surprised if many people other than the four of us have ever played live Nirvana covers in a Quaker meeting.

This morning I saw a guy run for a bus, narrowly miss it and just casually jump on the back and hold on to the outside until it got to the next stop, then just hop off and get on the bus as normal, and it’s not often I see 80s movie tropes in the wild like that.

1/23 Sorry, this will be long... There is a lot of shouting about what happened in the Channel yesterday. So I want to go back to basic law. Not immigration policies or political rhetoric. At sea, the starting point is simple: Preservation of life comes first under all maritime conventions.

IT’S GETTING CLOSER

Accidentally flicked on a random channel last night and caught the end of an episode of the Wheeltappers & Shunters Social Club. “Lol I wonder how well this has aged” First/only gag I heard: “You’ve been such a great audience, you’ve made me feel like a 16 year old. I doubt I’ll get one though”

Glad they’re finding a way to keep busy, what with there being fuck all else to worry about.

Arf. Course you are you thick twat

I mean in fairness that’s also what Trump’s using it for

Reader, I did not resist the temptation.

Every Olympics there’s an ostensibly niche event that suddenly everyone’s watching and invested in. I think I know what 2032’s is going to be.

In late 2001/ early 2002 I worked in a record shop in Sydney airport. The week before I started Pink had been in, and every single member of staff said she was an absolute arsehole. Plus her music is all utter dog shit, so there’s also that.