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Right, it’s terrifying to consider the possibility of kids not reporting groomers and abusers if they’re afraid THEY will get in trouble for defying age verification laws.

Zendervai@zendervai.bsky.social

I think the thing that's standing out to me is that like...groomers aren't nearly as common as they're made out to be, but even if they were, "hey kid, tell anyone and you'll get in trouble for breaking the law" is one fucking amazing way to guarantee kids will hide it.

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This law is designed to make children easier to rape. I am so done tryna discuss this with people who push this shit like they're acting in good faith. They ignore every time someone points out the obvious, because they want to rape a kid

It reminds me of the whole "the best people to notice sex trafficking are other sex workers but they can't come forward if sex work is illegal cuz they'll end up in prison beside the trafficking victim, & often for more time than the sex trafficker."

See also the people who are afraid to get medical help for their friend who's having an OD because then they'll get in trouble for their own drug activity as well We are making progress on that front specifically, but have a long way to go on others

Absolutely. My parents were far from perfect. One very good rule they had was - you need a ride home, we'll come. No judgment. There won't be a scene. Anyone else needs a ride - fine. Just please, please, don't try to drive if you've been drinking or your ride home was drinking/high.

My parents did the same. The other thing my family, as a whole, did was allow us, and friends, when we were in high school to drink while we were at the family cottage. It was a safe environment where we could learn our limits on alcohol.

this is a huge reason kids don’t report abuse. it happens by people they love and they’re kids with beautiful kid hearts so they don’t want the person they love to be punished. it is why death penalty for CA makes kid death rise. seems like they’re actively trying to hurt our kids

This is, in fact, a major reason why teenagers hide bad things that happen to them online now: because they're scared their parents will take away the only third space we have left them!

applies to offline as well I think. so many times I got in more trouble after telling my parents that I already had some troubles or problems. and my parents are really nice people! it could have been much worse. I hope I can somehow avoid this with my kid. thank you for the reminder.

I made a point of this thing: you don't get in _more_ trouble for telling the truth! (Maybe it also helped that "getting in trouble" in our house was "having to hear at length that your parents are annoyed and/or worried" & then...we tried to fix things and/or move on)

And it's why the biggest internet safety advice I give parents of teenagers is to make crystal clear that they will never blame their kid for being the victim, because that is the ONLY way they will ever know there's a problem. bsky.app/profile/raha...

rahaeli@rahaeli.bsky.social

Related: People I know IRL who know what I do for a living often ask what they need to know about online safety for their about-to-be-teenagers, and there's a lot of answers, but the thing I always emphasize most is: under no circumstances should you ever threaten to take access away from them.

I've told my teens that if they or their friends get into trouble ~ even if it is their fault ~ to come to me for help. That their safety and well being were more important than punishments or dobbing them in. Drugs, relationships, whatever. Only minor things so far, knock on wood.

I've tried to make sure mine understand that we should all be interested in solving problems and cleaning up before we even think of assigning blame to anyone. Also that growing up is about making small mistakes when you're small so you don't make big mistakes when you're big.

Yep! I've trained my dad to show me ANYTHING that wants his password, wants money, or is threatening him with financial or legal consequences or claiming a security problem, and he's always so apologetic when something he brings me ends up being legitimate--

How do you clarify to a child or teen that you’re not punishing them by cutting off, say, Instagram or some other place they’re being bullied, vs protecting them? Have a friend struggling with making this clear. Child won’t stop going back to where they get bullied, doesn’t want to block people

I got around it by forbidding my kids to have twitter, facebook, or instagram accounts at all because all of those were potentially toxic. They trusted my judgement enough to stick to other sites. They chatted in-game sometimes.

There's no way, because losing access to one of the only spaces where they're able to hang out with their friends is going to feel like a punishment whether you intend it to or not. The exact approach to take depends on the situation (different if it's someone they know IRL harassing them)--

I will happily answer questions if you have them! The rapport is the most important part: your kid needs to believe you're on their side and won't punish them for mistakes. @masnick.com had a great framing for it: bsky.app/profile/masn...

Mike Masnick@masnick.com

The conversation I have had with each of my kids: "if you *ever* run into a problem online and you think you're in trouble, you can *always* come talk to me about it, and if you think I will be upset about a choice you made just start out by saying 'I may need some help.'" And I will take that...

This. Honestly I don't want to trauma dump (typed several replies, realised they're therapy stories, not internet ones) but very very much this. I knew, not just on the internet, that mum wasn't safe to go to so ended up with severe mental health harm going unnoticed due to always having to hide.

Yup! My parents tried, but I knew they were not safe adults to talk to because my mother didn't respect my autonomy and vacillated wildly between leaving me to raise myself and freaking out about how I was raising myself, and my father deferred to her on everything. So I had to DIY all of it.

My parents always claimed that, and I think they believed that, but based on the rest of their behavior I wouldn’t have trusted them to actually follow through. I think they wanted to, though.

So grateful that when someone tried to blackmail my kid his first term at uni (18+ but still…), he immediately called the uni computer and security teams, who contacted the police & sorted things out. He then messaged us. I’ve never asked him what the blackmail was about; none of my business.

Goes for IRL too. I used to have a thing with my mum that if she asked me a question I was going to answer it truthfully, whether I thought she'd like the answer or not, because she needed to know I was OK, and I needed someone I could call at 3am to fix my shit if anything got broken.

We just recently discovered that our kids hid persistent bullying from us. They had the impression (probably accurate) from school staff, that they would not be listened to and didn't want to "make a fuss" 🤷 If the whole system is not geared to a "see it, say it" approach, it probably will not work

most reasonable people have learned that abstinence only sex ed doesnt work but it's the exact same thing with social media! theyre gonna use it. its your job as an adult to talk to your kids about how to do it safely, because if you forbid it outright they won't talk to you if something goes wrong!

When legislators set out to police addiction they *invariably* hand more power to the suppliers. Look at the state of Gambling right now. ‘Remember to take a wee break after you’ve given us your rent money’ - LOL. They have such a naive faith in their ability to control what is not controllable.