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Hey Elon, I spoke to your dad, and he said you are an unloveable failure on every conceivable level. For unrelated reasons I am just going to leave this loaded gun with one bullet right here.

Did you write this, June

weird how they used a new article and not one from fucking 2002 that still applies

FR

Musk is making 1 million IVF babies in the hopes that one of them like him

Solve world hunger, stop doing DOGE, & we'll talk

I heard it too so it must be true

He likes the warm, WET feeling. Don’t forget the wetness. That’s important. At least, that’s what I heard.

Money can't buy love

Tesla shares are still way too high. They aren’t even worth $138, which is their 52-weeks low.

I misread "diver" as "driver" and was really confused until I looked at the comments.

It’s just a shell game of “I will solve your problems I just need ungodly levels of power and capital” and then rinse and repeat until everyone forgets your original promises in the first place and just kneel to you out of habit.

probably the first time I encountered his words directly instead of mediated through someone telling me he was going to save the world

for how evil he is, it’s crazy how pathetic he also is

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFhx...

"Do you like crypto? I do. Although if you don’t like crypto, I don’t like it, either." really got me laughing

Go away, Elon. I already have to see too much of you on the other place that you turned into a breeding ground for Nazis.

"PLEA-" *chop*

Thank you for this

the Onion is one of the few legit journalistic outlets

Great article everybody please read and repost well worth the time

Art and journalism in perfect harmony.

No.😘

I always knew I would have to watch powerful men burn the world down. I just didn't expect then to be such losers.

Elon…. Just stop being a piece of shit. Literally all you need to do.

Watch Elon try and sue The Onion for libel or something. Cuz you know, he's stupid.

To have such an experience requires an ability to think and introspect that fElon is completely incapable of.

Can you, like, like me without me having to change anything, though? I have money, can I use that instead? What if I bought Twitter? You like Twitter, right? You'd be nice to me if I owned Twitter. You'd have to be nice to me. I think I'm going to buy Twitter, yeah.

“That diver was a pedophile” says the actual pedophile who got away with it

Page 2 and more at bsky.app/profile/cont...

Begone fake gamer.

he will never be the guy

We love you Elon! j/k not even close ew

I know this is a joke but if Elon saw a path towards leftists liking him again he’d probably do it if it was the only option left. However, the right is more than happy to make him feel like a special boy as long as the money is good, much like getting a lap dance from a stripper.