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I hear he is offering 600 billion for the Jewish space lazar. But they have to throw in their weather machine. The GOP HAVE INCLUDED IN THIS YEARS BUDGET.

All the money in the world can't buy that for him... For others, it's free.

He looks like a smug toilet brush. 🤷

Li'l boy jus' trying make his momma proud.

Trade Twitter for it you coward

lmao I actually fell for this one, didn't immediately see/think "oh that's an onion article"

Me: I won't give him any respect until he gives up every last penny. Headline: Musk to ban pennies Me: Wow... This guy goes to great lengths to pretend he doesn't understand anything.

Musk is a genius at working with inanimate objects but should have a cease and desist order against any human contact or interaction.

Ah the one thing he can't buy. That and a sense of humour. And a woman who respects him. Actually there's a lot of things money cant buy and its all the things he wants..

If he does manage to acquire respect he'll send it to Mars where it will just die - along with anything else he sends there.

😂😂😂😂

Great satire science musk would bet at least 420 billion dollars

where's the satire?

Buying hair plugs and the US presidency was easy, but who will sell him their respect? Trump gave his away to him, but clearly there was very little of it to offer.

Sources report an “Adrian Dittman” has graciously accepted the bid

It won't work.

Is that per minute?

i mean i could find something nice to say about him one thing i'm not actually going to consider him worth respecting

He thought showing up in the Oval Office with his child prop would make Americans "like him more." Tin-eared doesn't begin to cover it. He should just own up to being a reviled villain and be done with it.

Where are the hackers, Illuminati? Go get musk and win your respect!!!

"Was rejected by the courts for being a low ball 'good faith' offer, Courts find Musk has no 'good faith' to offer"

No sellers :(

At this point no amount of money would be enough for him to acquire respect ever again. That ship has sailed

uh no be careful onion he might try and get you shut down if you hurt his feelings

O they keep getting better Onion. Unfortunately they are soooo close to the truth

He could have used his money to end homelessness or hunger in America and gotten our respect so easily, but sociopaths like him aren’t capable of thinking in that way

Still lowballing impossible half baked promises.

Sorry, not enough. He needs to send all his money and then commit suicide.

I once asked the entire libertarian party of El Paso County that if Jeff Bezos (richest man at the time) could afford to give everyone on earth 10$ if they'd allow him to buy the moon. They voted unanimously in favor.

He'd go double that for "Drip", and would straight up trade Tesla for "Rizz".

Still not enough money

That bid is way too low.

Nah gonna need to be a bit more, may I make a suggestion-

he would do that yeah

Looks like Ozempic is really a transitioning drug

Remember when wannabe dictators gave everyone a year's worth of pay to curry favor? Ceasar remembers.

Not enough. Not even close.

Better than the Taylor Swift miss earlier.

Jesus Christ he's so fucking ugly.

I'm gonna need that much just for me to even be able to consider it

#Muskalini

Not enough!

Not enough money on the planet!! 😉

How about just returning the already appropriated funds by Congress to the recipients

Fraudulently influencing global elections - over $300 million USD. Gaining my respect –priceless! "There are some things money can't buy; for everything else, there's Mastercard"

After his Reich sign he lost the world's respect. Too late to undo that.

And he still won’t get it lol

Bluesky has Got to get a laugh emoji!

Buy respect 🫡 🙄 just like your health can’t be done. Elon is beyond insane. The more he speaks the louder it gets. Take about a delusional nutcase. Sadly his insanity is directly fvking us

Sorry you can’t buy respect, you have to earn it.

Wonder what’s on the table for love and devotion???!!!

#Fmusk #ElonisaNazi #Elonhasorangelips #FuckoffEM

There's not enough money in the world.

Breaking: Musk files lawsuit against The Onion for undervaluing his desperation.

Respect will be DoorDashed to his house, so paying someone else to do this for him too.

Lmao

Can $97 billion buy him a non-creepy face?

You can’t buy respect. You can only earn it.

Going to have to bid higher than that. A lot higher.

Won't work- zero respect.

😂😂 it’s going to cost him a lot more than that by this point

a hostile takeover of Big Ethics...

Do not believe him. He has some other motive.

Respect just got up and walked away.

That’s his Ketamine bill.

It’s not enough.

Too little.

Here, from an expert. youtu.be/A134hShx_gw?...

#MoronMusk #ElonFungus

In an interesting twist, the price will always be just a bit more than whatever he bids.

That’s not even close to being enough

😂 only Musk would think one could buy respect; having bought the USA Presidency. Hasn’t anyone told him, you have to earn respect. When he respects people; peoples jobs, hungry kids, judges, people of colour, the experienced etc. And reject fascism then …..

Not even close to enough for me

And the saddest thing of all is that this is actually probably true. 😂 😂 😂

True, but I’d argue that if you have to buy your way to being liked, then you are still a de facto loser.

You can’t spell FELON without ELON.

He's also biding to buy himself a human being conscience, but he's not rich enough.

Readers added context they thought people might not want to know: Mistypo in the headline. Musk is signaling willingness to bid more than $97, not $97 billion. He'd be too greedy to spend $97 billion.

Having all the money in the world won’t buy him a less punchable face

bsky.app/profile/deco...

I personally would need much more than that to even begin to think about it. I can fake respect if there's about 10 Trillion $ involved.

Can’t believe this is what the world’s richest man does on the platform he owns.

There is no dollar amount high enough.

Absolutely no respect. 😂😂

'no thank you but we will buy your remaining dignity for $9.74 billion if you want'

Not enough money in the world!

No amount of money is gonna earn you respect or make you funny, buddy!

He's going to have to give his life for that...

No sale!

Signed up for their emails and now I get free onion seeds coupon codes to redeem at Costco. It’s worth signing up for especially if you’re a fan of gardening

Does cutting up make you laugh or cry?

When will you get your White House press pass?

Damn

It’s gonna take something other than money for MuskyOdor to gain respect.

Ha ha ha

No dice

What happened to his face?

Well, he's so far into the "respect" negative range, that he would need to double or triple that number. He is not worth the air he breathes.

If he's looking for respect he needs to get on the next flight to Mars.....

🤣🤣🤣 the offer is declined

I’ll respect him when he drops dead.

It’ll take more than that.

Those must be the kids raiding Treasury right now.

😍😍😍🔥🔥🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️❤️❤️❤️🩷🩷

No chance.

Nah. Donate all your money to good cause Elmo and get off from earth without an oxygen tank, then maybe.

You can't buy your way out of being a dork, Leon...

Musk doesn't care about respect. He wants to own us all. He thinks he's king of the world. He needs to be eaten.

He's dumb enough to try that, it won't work though.

Not enough money in the world to buy that for Elon.

Nope