SisBoomBlah

John Cusack in 2025, standing in your driveway, holding his phone over his head, waiting for two unskippable ads to finish before In Your Eyes starts

Add "between my legs" to a movie title "The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming Between My Legs"

If this van's rockin', don't come knockin', unless you're here to check the suspension, what the heck man, I called like three hours ago

Who up thinking about how Dr. Strangepork from The Muppet Show looks like Larry David?

Technically, a dictionary is a book of spells.

There ain't no good guy/there ain't no bad guy/there's only you and me, and we're just NPCs

Disney and Hulu threaten a Glee revival unless their demands are met

MURDERER: All right, I'm here to kill you- ME: Oh, finally, c'mon let's go, I'll grab my coat MURDERER: what *I'm already in his car honking the horn*

Today's skeet is sponsored by Ritz Crackers. A proud product of Nabisco since 1934, the buttery, flavory crunch is perfect for any occasion. Ritz Crackers. Because everyone loves a Ritz.

Looking for a beauty and the beast type scenario where I stay home and read and be adorable and all the furniture worships me

Are Sheriff Country and Marshals two different shows or what

Show me something that traumatized you as a child

Fuck you if your bag of chips doesn't have a story on the back about why your founder decided to pursue a new approach to chips

First album you bought with your own money

Thank you to everyone who stood with me over the years. It’s been a scary journey but I have always been grounded in my work and ability to provide exemplary service to my constituents. Trump and his administration have been after me since I arrived in Congress.

Doctor: This is a routine prostate exam so try not to get aroused, Steve Patient: My name’s not Steve Doctor: No, I’m Steve

Favorite film in haiku: Didn't kill my wife! Other guy says "I don't care!" Dude totally jumps

Fuck ya’all. I’ve got an opinion and I don’t give a flying fuck if you like it. So sit down, shut your ass up, and take what I’ve gotta say cuz I’m not sorry if it triggers you. (*six minutes, twenty seven seconds later*) I’ve turned off comments and quote tweets on this post because of the trolls

In English the San Diego Padres are the St. James Daddies

I asked a plastic surgeon to show me what he does for a living and he made a face.

Fun fact, football referees are actually much bigger than the players, it's the striped shirts that create an optical illusion.

They call it shite posting in the UK

i will never care if bluesky is popular! i did Odyssey of the Mind! i took robotics in high school (and sucked at it!) i was on a Harold team at iO West! NOT iO. iO *WEST.* i am immune to popularity!!

*sending a dick pic* Some may call this junk, me, I call them treasures

look at all these fuckin oranges

Even if you've only done the Macarena once, you're still a carrier

*Sean Connery looking up from a microscope* Thish ish a shingle-shell organishm

Disco! in the Panic Room

I don't bring a lot to the table, but I will steal the silverware.

I danced like nobody was watching. Next thing I know everyone was staring at me and one lady asked me if I needed an ambulance

Regular people should have the same designations as injured athletes. I want to be officially declared limited and questionable

dennis hastert and jim bakker in the same day feels like an apology for dolly and tim curry

Deep beneath the Antarctic ice, the IceCube Neutrino Observatory is helping scientists uncover the secrets of the cosmos through neutrinos, often called "ghost particles." Discover how 2026 physics laureate Francis Halzen's vision helped make it possible. Read here: https://bit.ly/473zePo

QTP with your favorite Jedi (wrong answers only)

Shaking up the news industry by making the lead anchors go outside in the blizzards and hurricanes and letting the weatherman stay inside where it's warm and dry

In a just world the opposite of wholesome would be holesome

My names Shough and I like to Fhough

will you people shut the fuck up

Embarrassing moment, I tried to do a tarot reading and I accidentally pulled the card that explains the rules of tarot

LAWYER READING MY WILL: And according to the deceased's last wishes, he will be donating his body, specifically "deez nuts and dat ass", to science

So, is there a Mrs Mister?

The only good thing about the learned helplessness of ChatGPT is that eventually I'll be able to fund my retirement by going on Jeopardy and winning a million dollars by correctly identifying the color of an orange

My neck/my back/my Diane and my Jack