Charlie Alzamora

It’s called a joint because when you light one up people suddenly want to join you.

I'm just delusional enough to remain stubbornly optimistic.

i have too many opposable thumbs to be this incapable

walking through a doorway is like shaking the etch-a-sketch where I store my short-term memory

just learned count chocula isn’t a real vampire and my whole world has been turned upside down

Trying to relax my brain. I worked so hard today that I'll probably see numbers in my sleep. (I know, not funny or particularly interesting but pure truth).

Trail mix but it's just a bag of m&m's

Oh my god that was so exhausting -me making plans 9 days in advance

it’s not candy, it’s halloween food

i need AI to hurry up and take my job before 7am tomorrow

You've got this, you have no choice.

And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for! *passes out*

Most arrangements are edible, including the ones made of eels.

Who am I? 🐦‍⬛

Going to take the dogs for a drive tonight and we’re going to the A&W drive in…

Siri, what’s an image that’s the exact opposite of my persona.

A guy in a cloak with sharp fangs keeps knocking on the door, asking to be invited inside. I told him not without an offering of cheese.

Okay I started Dark Matter. Rick Sanchez vibes.

Team runny yolk for life. I probably post this a lot. That's what for life means

finishes exercises to pump up the glutes. goes directly to sit on them.

I walked into this insult and i can’t for the life of me, remember why.

meh, I’ve seen fuller moons

I just think it's a little suspicious that Pete Townshend has nothing to do with Whoville.

Them: MAN OVERBOARD!!! Me: *in the water No, no, just keep going.

My daughter saw a prayer candle at the Dollar Tree and she wanted to know how anybody knew what Jesus smelled like. I'm dead. 💀

Children are not born knowing how to hate. You have to expose them to the couples on House Hunters and explain it to them.