Beef Hardcake

Discworld QOTD, from Guards! Guards! 'People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”'

BATTLE AWAITS. TOUCH SOMETHING SOFT.

Lake forever, problems for now.

I think a good sign off for work emails instead of “best regards” is “we all float down here,” help me make this a thing.

YOUR ENEMIES LAMENT YOUR VERY EXISTENCE. DO YOU NEED TO CLEAN YOUR GLASSES?

RELISH IN THE SCREAMS OF YOUR ENEMIES! ARE YOU HUNGRY?

SHELVE YOUR MACE, TODAY YOU WILL BATTLE ANXIETY. AND YOU WILL WIN.

So an *interesting* modern take on A Christmas Carol would be focused on a manosphere redpilled techbro hosting a soulless Christmas party at his fifth McMansion wondering why none of his family has talked to him in ten years, and then getting absolutely schooled by the Ghosts Of You Utter Asshole

If you’re a Gondorian soldier your experience with hobbits is a tiny guy shows up with a wizard and is immediately taken in the Steward’s counsel. He saves Faramir when the Steward goes mad. A second tiny guy arrives with the Rohirrim and kills the Witch King. The first one then goes on campaign …

BE SO BRILLIANT NONE OF YOUR ENEMIES WOULD DARE LOOK AT YOU.

This horse has PPE because we need to be safe as well as front-facing.

This match is Maureen Dowd not understanding edibles dosages.

CPSC is here to protect your children even if they are annoying and/or have bad vibes.

ENCYCLOPEDIA - Your mangled brain would like you to know there is a boxer called Contact Mike. YOU - Yeah? Any news on my wife's name? How about my mother? ENCYCLOPEDIA - Nope.

Hacker: "I'm gonna release all the pictures on your phone" The pictures on my phone:

I am forever annoyed about this, that movie did everything you could possibly want in an adaptation it was made by people who understand what makes tabletop gaming great and somehow made it work on screen and it should have made a billion dollars

Def Leppard Scorpions Metallica Aerosmith Jimmy Buffett George Clinton The Shamen Paul Simon Cowboy Mouth Rod Tuffcurls and the Bench Press

shorter version:

I feel like Sun Tzu really missed out on "Invent Pete Hegseth and give him to the enemy"

never forget when the Easter Bunny sent Teddy Roosevelt to the shadow realm

more like chuck norrwas

europeans when asked to help unblock the strait of hormuz

👓 NEW THING 🧽 Using advanced simulation technology, we’ve accurately reproduced what every glasses wearer experiences vole.wtf/glasses-clea...

it's SATIRE TIME thanks to Trump attacking Iran (part Epstein distraction, part because "he had a feeling based on facts") so I present to you a brand new piece: A Much-Needed Update to Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” as Presented in Trump’s Daily Intelligence Briefing 1/16

Due to prevailing rhetorical conditions, the discourse level this evening is DANGEROUS and potentially LIFE THREATENING. All avenues of discourse are hereby CLOSED and discourse is PROHIBITED until the discourse emergency has passed. This has been a message from the National Discourse Service.

Never mind the jobs you had, tell me five classes you took in college: 1) drafting (not CAD, honest to God pencil and paper drafting) 2) differential equations 3) atmospheric dispersion modeling 4) social problems 5) wastewater treatment

Experimental philosophy

Just saw someone on the internet call Trump “Ol’ Yam Tits” and will never see a photo of him again in the same way

why is the president the only person testing the limits of his power? everyone should see what they can get away with. what if zookeepers gave helicopters to gorillas? nobody has tried this

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

JUSTICE FOR MALTA (otherwise known as: the Eurovision Song Contest is totally rigged) (kidding) (kinda)

A good rule of thumb Democrats should use to figure out how to interact with Trump is to imagine you’re addressing Jabba the Hutt. Do you sound tough? Defiant? Or are you some pandering slimeball who is obviously going to be double-crossed and fed to the Sarlacc?

Holy shit. This is bad. Like devastatingly, awful bad. The bedrock regulations underlying our access to clean air and water are going to be gutted. More people are going to get sick and die. And so much for limiting GHG emissions. www.nytimes.com/2025/03/12/c...

Leopard: I will eat your face Bank analysts: Our baseline assumes no face-eating Leopard: Chomp chomp chomp