Bob ‘Buddy’ Foster

Sums up my WorldView

I completely agree

Why does everyone keep asking me how much snow I got? Do I look like a weatherman!

Miami Dolphins are not very bright 🤦‍♂️

It's important that I have a job I can do while hungover. Not that I ever am hungover. I just feel that way a lot.

Cigarettes taste good 🚬

Hey pal, I don’t need your crap tonight! I’m already low on whiskey!

C’mon man;

me: do you remember a time when it didn't hurt? them: what? me: everything

You guys sure about this sleeping thing? Seems dangerous #Nightimethoughts

When in doubt, take a nap

Kiss me, I taste like coffee and rage.

This is what happens when a fat fuck loser dipshit is the U.S. President

Alexa, burn it all down.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

Why is every show I try to watch on a different streaming service?! I miss the old days when I’d steal Cable TV just like everybody else

What is going on with all of these surveys? I buy a snickers bar at CVS and I’m getting a survey. ‘Well actually my service sucked; the cashier should’ve showed me her boobs and washed my balls.’

I may be old but at least I'll be dead soon (positivity)

That’s an odd headline #WTF

Of all the portapotties in the world, why did she have to walk into mine?

I knew it was a bad idea to put $100 on the broncos; but I really like horses 🤷‍♂️

Of all the portapotties in the world, why did she have to walk into mine?

Asking random people in the library if they farted

I had cool dreams when I was a kid. Now I mostly have dreams in which I need to find a bathroom

Alexa light my home on fire

Call me crazy, but I don’t think Walmart should sell recreational crack

People need to stop saying ‘Let that sink in.” I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!! #Sinkonthis

Gentlemen prefer blondes and I prefer sluts and whores.

when I'm not saying 'fuck' 3,000 times in a sentence, I like to sit and meditate in nature

So apparently it’s illegal to show your penis to strangers; my bad

Getting to that age where I’m thinking more about a reverse mortgage rather than a reverse cowgirl.

I’m starting to think I’m the only one who wasn’t offered a Cabinet Post!

When asked aged 6 what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said retired.

Opening a restaurant named ‘Peace and Quiet’ where kids meals cost $80

*stifles cough to avoid embarrassment* *produces weird mouth fart*

I have learned from my mistakes, I'm just not going to do anything useful with that knowledge.

You're like the micro plastics in my balls, unwelcome.

I swear, I have to take 5 Xanax just to read the headlines 🤦‍♂️

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk; alcoholics go to meetings

It’s Monday again? Who thought this was a good idea?!

After I’ve had a few drinks;