Shouting Goddess

Motherfuckers be motherfucking. ~ 2026

I remember what it was like to live in a real timeline.

Horrifying if literal: blended family.

Social media in its rawest essence is giving love, receiving love and telling people to go fuck themselves.

Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Eclipse blood moon in morning, dragons be swarming.

(My kid giving me attitude) Me: "I pooped on you when you were born"

Always wanted to see Norway but I can’t affjord it.

I'm biting you just to see if you're cake

Shitposts are a love language

May your bookshelves bend under the weight of good reads

"It's always the quiet ones" she whispered.

Waffles are pancakes that pressed their face on a chain link fence.

Why's it called erectile dysfunction and not cocknitive decline?

Wanna drink Negronis and argue?

I'd forgotten what an aphrodisiac anticipation was.

Consider your age to be a positive accumulation.

People with handlebar mustaches should be forced to box kangaroos.

So what if I’m prickly. At least I have texture.

I know it's rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you're unsure, but my husband looks about 5 months along and the suspense is killing me

the worst part of waking up is the buffering

Squishy is the worst texture of thing to step on

"It's dangerous to go alone! Take this."

Apprehension is the qualm before the storm.

I’m tired of giving friendly advice. I’m going to start offering violent alternatives

Do not go willy into that good nilly

If I say “You’re like family to me”, it’s not a compliment

"Exclamation mark," I say dryly into my speech-to-text message.

Don't be angry with me because I spoke the truth. Be angry with me because I'm an asshole.