Bryan Maxwell

I apologize for my frequent tpyos.

Cocaine is an intoxican not and intoxicant.

how I arrived on bluesky

Turns out "I'm from the government and I'm here to help" is actually slightly less scary than "I'm a rich pervert who wants everyone to die".

Donald Trump had signed an executive order renaming himself Donald Trump Presents Donald Trump.

President Trump has signed an executive order renaming North America to American America.

President Trump has issued an executive order renaming South America to America America.

The Case of Aristotle and Women's Teeth existentialcomics.com/comic/670

Pete Hegseth: "We need our warriors to embrace the Spartan mindset" U.S. Military: *suffers crushing defeat to the Persians*

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a horror not meant for mortal eyes. I present to you...

"The more rainbows I can paint, the better."

Tech bros invented publicity.

C Thomas Howell. Howl, Thomas, howl.

It’s amazing how all the reporting is just memory-holing this part

All praise forg!

I'm a self-made idiot.

Paracetamol? I hardly know 'em all.

Oh no! I got the 'tism from the acinnamonimons.

I miss when I could fool myself into thinking I understand the world.

I'm on an eastbound flight. Outside of my window the sun has been setting for 4 hours. But that undying, unyielding sun is enough to burn away the dread I feel at the madness overtaking the world.

For the first time in 24 years I didn't have to take my shoes off at an American airport. If it took that long to undo one stupid wannabe terrorist did, I fear I will be long dead before we see the light at the end of Trump's tunnel.

I can't help about the place I'm at I can't sing, I ain't pretty, and my ass is fat Oh well.

To paraphrase Chris Rock: Abraham Lincoln was assassinated, Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated; Charlie Kirk, that cracker got shot.

Donald Trump has a history of making national tragedies worse. So here's a quick side by side of how one president responds to a national crisis versus how another does.

You know what I didn't understand? Everything.

My actual prediction is that within two weeks Charlie Kirk will be totally forgotten by both the right and left. He was a deeply mediocre hatemonger who offered nothing original, and there will be plenty of right wing grifters ready to step over his body to collect the racist propaganda checks.

Violence is never acceptable* *Terms and conditions apply

Raging histamines or benadryl nightmares?

💀

They say I should believe in myself but I'm pretty sure I'm a figment of my imagination.

You know weed had to be involved in the creation of Funyuns. "💨. What if we made corn taste like onions?"

RIP Bulk Logan.

The absolute funniest part of capitalist ideology is that they somehow managed to convince everyone that "freedom" meant like...the freedom to choose between 63 kinds of shampoo, and not like...the freedom to quit a job you hate without losing your health insurance.

#nolieshere

Toilets grow on trees?

Chris Cuomo complains that Dems are no longer the party of wealthy sex pests.

Throw your tomatoes 😔

damocles, dude, you absolutely cannot put your sword there. come on man

RIP Brian Wilson

It is 100% carrying water for the opposition to participate in this collective delusion that Dems for some reason need to answer for every teen who throws a rock rather than hold the Trump admin accountable for intentionally creating chaos and breaking the law to stoke violence. They are in charge.

People who say things like "we achieved racial equality through MLK doing peaceful protests" tend to ignore three major facts: 1. We never achieved racial equality. 2. There were literally hundreds of violent race riots in the 60s. 3. They killed MLK. They fucking shot that dude anyway. Come on.

The hero we need.