Crutnacker

It's like if Revenge of the Nerds was a horror movie.

I want a pair of binoculars that gives you that gives you the figure 8 look that 70s shows promised us.

I don’t think RFK Jr has spasmodic dysphonia. I think he’s spent his entire life getting punched in the throat.

Ever notice how RFK Jr. looks like he's wearing one of those masks that ban robbers wear in 1970s heist movies?

It's insane that the campaign against El-Sayed is basically that he has some secret relationship with the people that the president's family has a secret relationship with.

Marissa Mayer is our generation's Dr. Spock.

When you lick your finger and stick it in the air after you start the fire.

Where’s the iPhone duo that flips vertically?

I'm telling my kids this is Vivek Ramaswamy

To be fair, this is an improvement. Marissa laid off her last daughter.

Over a decade of open mics and this guy still is as funny as a kennel fire.

Josh Turek: I’m John Fetterman with hair.

I took my Covid and flu shots today. Keep waiting for the promised sweet release or death but my arms are just sore. Stupid MAGA.

I appreciate Barack Obama zingers about Trump. But I also remember Trump’s whole nightmare began because he couldn’t handle Obama’s zingers.

It’s sad Scott Adams died before he could have AI write Dilbert strips for him.

Anyone here quit Facebook? What was it like?

What if all of this has just been an AI prompt gone wrong?

This is actually a shield to protect people from spittle and aerosolized farts.

I don’t think Trump has dementia. I think he’s a very stupid man who has finally reached the point where his rambling bullshit is being seen for what it is.

Joanne needs to stfu.

Great time for gaming. $1800 consoles that have nothing to play on them.

Meh. Oprah did it first.

The fact that Trump never had a pet should have been enough to sink him.

Gein admits he should have called it quits after “a corpse or two” while reflecting on his time in the graveyard.

The only thing more toxic than Vivek Ramaswamy

Is there a better metaphor for Elon Musk?

If you had the choice between having MS and being Megyn Kelly, which would you choose?

JD Vance washed at 44 because Trump endorses his idiot son is a delightful scenario to ponder.

Fresh new example of why James Gunn gets **ALL** the benefits of the doubt forever 👍 If one of the great modern film talents ever owned me like he just owned a random dipsh-- asking stupid "Who asked for this??" questions on Threads you'd never hear from me again. Legend 🤘

Vivek Ramaswamy should do an ad where he says he thinks data centers should be on every street corner, kittens make good appetizers, and Mr Rogers was the antichrist.

Elon Musk is Elizabeth Holmes with a less masculine voice and more faked products.

Next up: RFK Jr leads a task force on marriage and mental health.

I tried this on photos of dead relatives. Game changer.

Breaking: Trump orders all words to be replaced by the word America.

He’s still mad we didn’t see Reindeer Games for the classic it was.

I want to live in an alternate timeline where emotionless sociopaths don’t control much of the world.

Any iPhone will fold if you push hard enough.

I’m sorry to have to be the bad guy here but we need to recognize that we live in a compressed air thrusters world now. If you’re not finding ways to teach the critical use of compressed air thrusters in your classroom, you’re setting your students up to fail when you could be setting them up to fly

Looking at my black t-shirt and wondering how many lint brushes Johnny Cash went through in his lifetime.

People who love Elon Musk are the same people that believe magicians really saw people in half.

Remember that there's a reason that David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear at night. #Tesla

I'm renaming my cats Thoughts and Prayers because they are also useless in preventing gun violence. <--- I posted this 10 years ago on Twitter. Hard to believe we're still doing this shit.

Stay Thursday my friends.

Are we sure she graduated from Pepperdine Law? Maybe she filed a lawsuit about a pepper mill.

I’ve been saying it since From Justin to Kelly

Just received confirmation that Pete Hegseth never passed the bar either.

Vote like Elon Musk is dating your daughter.

I look forward to the testing of Darwin’s theories.