dwoods.exe

finally, i've been blocked by the one NFL player who I'd probably get along with. It's only up from here.

Why do idiots have more followers than me? I'm a dumbass too.

i still hate the orb lady

mr president, senators, congressmen, i implore you all to suck my fucking dick

man isn't it weird how these dudes who suck online actually suck in real life too?

I can’t wait until all of the AI companies start bullshitting that their models are sentient and can’t be shut down or regulated or interfered with unless you want to murder the tiny computer boy who lives inside of the cloud.

My most radical opinion: The orb lady is bad and her videos make me want to die.

Breaking Bad but Jesse and Walt cook Vyvanse in a trailer and sell it to 30-somethings who just want to have enough executive function to shower and be employed.

Every time I take a pee “Orinoco Flow” plays at max volume from a speaker I had surgically implanted in my ass.

Press 1 to punch me in the ass Press 2 to punch me in the grundle Press 3 to punch me in the penis Press 4 to punch me in the balls To punch me other places, please press 9

Tim Curry the day after Dolly Parton? Uh hey, god? Can you get your head out of your asshole and kill the right fucking 80 year old please?

Admit it, Chicken Penisini sounds like a real dish

Does anyone know when the Nintendo Switch 2 Wireless Sounding Rod goes up for preorder?

I am Jensen Huang’s leather father

Fuck it, I give up. I can’t live like this anymore. It’s ok to get diarrhea from RFK Jr. I’m fine with it now. I’ve transcended.

Every night before bed I pour a white monster into my CPAP humidifier tank.

We should have RFK Jr re-record the narration to all of the Ken Burns documentaries.

*on CNN in the Oval Office holding up a chart that shows that cows are actually way bigger than almost all vegetables besides a giant pumpkin*

WeirdAlYankovicvsSlimShady.mp3.exe

My doctor is going to be so proud that I switched to vegan corn dogs.

A buddy sent me a picture of myself from back in the day. Can’t believe how young I look.

watching this brings me immense pain

Is it normal for my kid to point at me and yell “Not the Mama” every time I walk into the room and then hit me in the face/head with a frying pan or some other blunt object?

It’s been like 20+ years but I still think about Goatse at least once a week.

My wife married me solely for my barista skills

I can’t think of a person who has a life I’m less interested in than Melania. I’d no joke rather watch a 6hr documentary about the history of random automotive trash in the forest near me. Why are there tires out there? Who put them in the forest? How did they do it? How many tires are out here?

“The government is giving kids free lunches and 45 dollars a month to poor people for snacks?! Burn the whole fucking country down 1776” “Masked federal agents are being sent out to murder US citizens in the street with legal impunity? Wow god bless the USA I’m going to suck an Eagles dick now.”

Nuremberg trials for ICE is the moderate position

Everything is going to completely fall apart all at once, isn’t it?

Next on Fox News: “Hey if the cops want to kill me I mean I support it, I’d let the cops kill my entire family you gotta listen to cops and if cops wanna kill me and everyone around me I gotta support our law enforcement officers, let them shit all over my dead body just kill the shit out of me”

Man today is one of those days that might get me banned from all forms of social media.

they're gonna call you a terrorist regardless of what you do isn't that nifty

Look upon my berries ye mighty, and despair.

I love how the standard ICE agent uniform is the exact same thing that the IT staff at an elementary school would wear but with a balaclava.

Mood:

Walking out in front of the national guard deployment in LA with a sign that says “FREE CANS OF RIP-IT”

I’m escaping to the one place that hasn’t been corrupted by capitalism…

My 90s kid dream birthday is at McDonalds and the Ninja Turtles get the fucking shit kicked out of them by Rockapella and then I’m gifted an iguana.

@jacobgeller.com you should send some DMs to your boy. A collabo like this? Once in an eon. Also I’ll pay for it. @bosh.worstpossible.world

there has never been a better time to join the "Hit the Guardrail at 80 mph and flip your Tesla on Purpose" movement

Sam Altman Presents: an AI Orb that wanders around your house in the dark and occasionally moans or leaves wet spots on the floor.

Just going to leave this here

@worstpossible.world found you guys through the @lionsledbydonkeys.bsky.social episode you guested on and I can’t stop fucking listening. It’s a disease now.