Jackson Harris

That’s where the k-cup goes

It's really important to pay attention to the fact that Lula beat the fascist candidate not by compromising and trying to meet fascist voters in the middle, but by sticking to his guns, promising prosecutions for election interference, and mobilising his own voters to turn out in greater numbers.

Powerball Adds Essay Section https://theonion.com/powerball-adds-essay-section/

I hate this so much. He literally quit the Air Force to become a rich celebrity! Stop treating him like an honorary troop!

In the bedrock of my soul I know he started out thinking the press pool was a literal pool and has been seething with disappointment since he discovered the mistake

Ouch

Protestors Criticized For Looting Businesses Without Forming Private Equity Firm First https://theonion.com/protestors-criticized-for-looting-businesses-without-fo-1843735351/

The last time the Milwaukee Brewers were in the World Series you could get 12 8-track tapes for only a dollar through The Gorman Thomas Tape Club®.

Top ten most foreboding sentence I've ever read.

this is so fucking sad

Brandon Coleman came up 17 yards short of the NFL record for the longest catch by an originally-ineligible offensive lineman.

As called by Gary Dolphin on Iowa radio:

I can evaluate it now. It sucks.

I truly, deeply, sincerely do think the guy flipping burgers at McDonalds should be able to afford rent, bills, and groceries with his paycheck alone. That's kind of the whole point of having a job and I can't believe this is considered a radical position.🤷🏽‍♀️

Trans Teen Hatches Nefarious Plot To Undergo Years Of Medical Treatments And Counseling To Win At Swimming https://theonion.com/trans-teen-hatches-nefarious-plot-to-undergo-years-of-m-1850433563/

skipped a pretty key step in the movie review process here

probably one of the more accurate applications of how the founding fathers viewed the second amendment tbh

As I was standing by this gas pump filling up my truck with six dollar gas I couldn’t help but think that this was a small price to pay so that every child wanting to play sports in elementary school has to submit to mandatory genital inspections

Google's 9/11 Homepage Design Stirs Controversy

I think we're at the point where we can incredibly comfortably say that your attitude towards Reform, Restore, MAGA, the AfD etc is how you'd have responded to fascism in the 1930s

good morning mr president, we have that ai video of you playing quarterback in the super bowl that youve been demanding but we need to reiterate once again that we have 11 days of oil left

Gas so expensive I’m no longer accepting ass or grass for rides

Trump thinks that if you pay somebody $10 for a burrito than you have lost the $10, like it has been stolen from you. He's not pretending; this is literally the basis of his trade policy

yes. if companies know the GOP will demand illegal appeasement and the Dems will be too timid to punish them for it, the incentive to appease will be strengthened. in effect Dems will be participating in the appeasement

apologies for twitter posting but the auto-embedded chart made me laugh too hard not to share

A liberal is a conservative who just got mugged by the police

55 years ago today, the Pittsburgh Pirates fielded the first all-Black/Hispanic starting line-up in MLB history.

Americans will say things like "We must starve Cuba to death with our embargo. Do not let China rescue them with food and energy" and still think people around the world hate them for their freedoms.

most embarrassing guy of all time

Ted didn’t notice the name of the account who posted this Dolly clip he retweeted until it was much too late. He finally deleted it after he was made aware.

You’ve got to understand the WNBA’s dilemma here: on one side are the hardcore, dedicated socially liberal fanbase who supported the league during the dark days when it was barely profitable and on the other side are the people who hate women and don’t think the WNBA should exist.

I guess we have the answer to the “who could possibly say anything bad about Dolly” question and it’s exactly who you’d think

This was always going to be the next step. There are no trans players in the WNBA so instead they're going after cis women who are insufficiently feminine for them.

One way you know Dolly Parton lived life the right way: I don’t think anyone’s going to get fired for accurately quoting Dolly Parton today.