Leen McBeans

Actually, in France male athletes wear jacquestraps to protect their oui ouis

Remember, a T-Rex costume is not just for Halloween. It's for doctor's visits, staff meetings, bowling alleys, jury duty, church

It used to be auto erotic asphyxiation was as embarrassing of a death as you could get but we as a species keep innovating

Feeding my idiot venus fly trap raisins

a "crime" against power isnt a crime against you, and thus it doesnt concern you. just walk away.

a disney cover band called beauty and the beastie boys

Never let a good existential crisis go to waste.

whaddya mean i got another thing coming? in this economy??

Who wouldn’t be obsessed with her?

a good soup makes you feel like everything's right in the world. to be clear though, it's not. the soup lies.

Is the skeleton on the right… a. A helpful friend OR b. A ruthless enemy of the skeleton on the left?

I'm bored do you wanna be really kind to each other for no reason other than we deserve it or nah

“I know,” she said. Though she absolutely did not.

please send healing enchiladas

it’s like you don't want to be best internet friends with me or something

99% of us are having a hard time right now so please remember: if you see someone stealing food— no you fucking didn’t

I hope the other gentleman, who was also using a cane while we crossed the street, didn't think we were in a race. However, I also hope he knows I won.

there are 2 kinds of ppl in this world: ones who can infer from context

You’ll survive but you’ll be funnier in ways that worries people

me when the genie finally grants my wish and apparates my future husband into my living room so I don’t have to date:

I work in a grocery store, be my guest. It just means less to face at the end of the night, we don't care

Go ahead & make yourself some cheesy garlic bread. You deserve it.

peyote is short for pet coyote

Just saw the most fucked up thing in my life. Looked at the serving size for this DiGiorno pizza and it said one serving is 1/5th of the pizza. What do you MEAN?????

More love songs about anti-psychotics, please.

Dario Brienza delivering an amazing performance in San Antonio last week

it’s too late for you, donate your hopes and dreams to science

Someone needs to do a documentary about Ken Burns.