Lucas

To: All - Intercompany From: Maintenance Subject: Metamorphosis Body: To whom it may concern, The entire maintenance department is rockabilly now. Please adjust your files as needed Sincerely, Thick Dick Rick and the Husky Boys

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The blackberries at the green grocer were so nice and they were three for $10 so we got three and I ate some last night and had some in my breakfast but now it’s a day later and they’re starting to go off, I have been swindled, how dare, I must eat the non-off parts of the evidence

At the end of an interview, I was told I was starting an unpaid trial afternoon at the Lindt Cafe in Martin Place. They put me behind the fancy chocolate counter where people would ask me to explain stuff & I was honest & said I had no idea. After 45 minutes of floundering ignored, I just left.

What are Dracula’s medals for? I reckon they’re for penmanship.

I have a moment to myself on a weekend. Hey, I’ll start that game I got last month. [Installing Game Content Needed To Start Playing] [0.01GB/61.53GB (68 minutes remaining)] Guess I’ll go read a goddamn book.

Greeting card companies need to either get on the same page and make the paper on the inside of every card friendly to all pens or else provide a little sample of the paper so I can test the pen I have before I start writing in the card and realise that ain't gonna work.

Sometimes I think I’m kind of smart, but then I hear that quadrillion is the next step up from “trillion” and specifically because “quad” means four, *only then* do I realise that it’s trillion because “tri” means three, and it’s billion because “bi” means two. I’m 44 years old.

We have four hours to kill at the hotel before the car to the airport comes, what if I sent another bunch of postcards to the same people with slightly different wording and race the first bunch

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I should have had more faith in Kimiko’s booking skills! Waterbom was basically the Disneyland of Waterslides.

Hope your day was better than Darwin’s, on this day 165 years ago

We are going to a ridiculous waterpark here in Bali today. If we break our necks, drown, or contract some ridiculous infection, avenge our deaths by fighting fascism. Also someone feed the dog and cat and axolotl.

“Let me speak to the bacon concierge.”

Supporter sketch request! This person asked me to draw my favorite droid from "Star Wars", and that would be the noble GNK power droid! I love you, gonk droid!!

So PAC/Neville is the first wrestler that has died since my kid has started watching wrestling that he’s known through matches he’s watched. That was… an experience seeing him find out. Hell, Takeover R-Evolution was one of the first PPVs he watched all the way through.

I've had this shirt for sale for longer than LLMs have been a Big Thing; but it's still a "fuck you" to them. www.teepublic.com/hoodie/23562...

Spent the first half of the evening making a beef & Guinness stew and the second half of the evening scrubbing and boiling baking soda in the pot I made the stew in to get rid of the inch of burnt stuff at the bottom 😠

I was lucky enough to be a guest on Party of One way back when, and so I jumped at the chance to help know good fella @jeffstormer.gobirds.online celebrate 500 episodes. Well done, Jeff!!!

ladies and gentlemen, this is columbo no. 5 a little bit of me getting outta your hair a little bit of suspect standing there a little bit of facts about my wife a little bit of you killed him with that knife

If reading books has taught me anything, I could put this in sock and defeat a sourcerer and things from the dungeon dimensions

A world where a twist ending is repurposed as a video title. where a thing's climax has been removed, leaving an advertisment for the gap where it used to be. such things are commonplace in. the twilight zone

“Love Never Dies” is such a bad show that Annie and Kit and Maq mention “the seven-minute sex dirge” in passing and I didn’t even bat an eye.

IT’S GUSTAV TIME!! LOCK IN, CHAT

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off - S01E06 - WHODIDIT #ScottPilgrimTakesOff

Martha’s Vineyard unavailable for comment

A school friend got my kid this for his ninth birthday. It took me a whole day to build, after it sat on a shelf for two months. I wish to write a strongly worded letter to the purchaser.

“What, you sneaking in the bathroom for a little pick-me-up? A bit of blow? Some of the old booger sugar? Some of that

Kimiko has been doing lots of puzzles lately, and I presume as a direct result, I have received a (very nice, PeterJackson-movie-themed) puzzle as a Father’s Day gift. I sat down and worked on it from roughly 4pm to 10ish, and my back and neck and shoulders hurt a lots which I assume is the point?

Took everything I had not to place a “G” or an “ ‘ “ after that “N.” Proving that perhaps I too am mid-crisis.

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I have a new sign to tap when I need to tap the sign

Whoever decided to promote Coyote vs Acme by letting Wile E do an AMA using only signs deserves all the praise.

It’s our friend Doug! He gets to have a nice day without having to spend three hours in the prosthetics chair!

Supporter sketch request! I was asked for a sketch of the strip club doorman character from the film "From Dusk Till Dawn" [sic] running a cat adoption event. I've never seen this film, but I think the joke here is, uh...obvious.

My kid when I told him Will Ospreay kicked out of the One Wingéd Angel:

GET EQUIPPED WITH

Indie wrestling show I was at tonight ended with a run-in by the promotion’s first champion, who took off her hoodie and came out as trans. Standing ovation from the crowd. The most Chicago shit that ever happened. I was sincerely touched.

There’s a lot of gold to be found in old things, even if it’s just a little something done well, but I think I’m old enough and experienced enough to speak with authority when I say that I wish that the Eagles’ song “Lyin’ Eyes” would fuck off forever into the sun.

Hiro: “We should name it Silver.” Me: “Ok, like ‘hi ho Silver, away!’ like the Lone Ranger?” Hiro: “No, like Silver from Sonic the Hedgehog.”

Since the weather’s nicer, I’ve finally redeemed Kimiko’s birthday present to me from back in March and for the first time in I think 12 years I am a cyclist again.