Luke

I used to say something like "I am history's greatest monster" after making a joke that bad, but I've since learned some more things about history, and I think I'm in the clear,

we don't talk enough about Toni Braxton and Bill Hicks' contributions to the field of obstetric medicine

hearing Bohemian Rhapsody for the first time

sisqo writing the song about how butts are good in thongs: i'm thinking this key change should feel like the end of the world and the birth of a new future

18th century hatmaker nearing the end of his career:

we don't talk enough about Toni Braxton and Bill Hicks' contributions to the field of obstetric medicine

I remember loving this when it first came out at decade(?!) ago, and it still holds up! One of the highlights of the month for me for sure

why do these freaks love bragging to national newspapers about being shitty parents

cool to see major newspapers doing the legal notice equivalent of boomer facebook posts that say mark zuckerberg DOES NOT have the right to use any of their information

Hello, CIA? It's me, Cuban Dissident. Haha, yes sir, "hola" to you as well.

my 3 year old when I'm trying to get her to go to sleep

explaining neoliberalism

PSA for Claude Code users: 1. Ape holders can use multiple slurp juices on a single ape 2. So if you have 1 Astro ape and 3 slurp juices you can create 3 new apes 3. Tonight’s slurp juice mint event is essentially a minting event for both Lab Monkees and Special Forces

And landlords wonder why we all hate them

For the purposes of this post, imagine I'm at a school Trunk or Treat event for some of my nieces and nephews: Call me Martin Luther the way I'm about to pound 95 Reese's in front of this Catholic Church

Was just typing "this fucking industry" to a friend and instead typed "this fucking injury." and you know what,

Happy National Tavern Style Pizza Day. Celebrate by eating entirely too many pieces because the slices are small and your brain can’t comprehend the actual total amount of pizza that you’re actually consuming. #chicago

Getting to make lame dad jokes to an actual child who sometimes even laughs at them. I hit her with a "hi hungry, I'm Dad" this morning and it felt incredible

Brian DePalma Cartney, is that anything

River_FINAL_V2_UPDATE_REALLYFINAL-1

BREAKING: Electronic Arts is cutting 400 jobs and shutting down BioWare, the legendary development studio behind Dragon Age and Mass Effect. www.bloomberg.com/news/article...

someone with RFK's cell number please send this to him with the message "looking great today, sir"

Looks like the Hilton on Michigan Avenue has developed a rat problem.

Cowboy Beatbox

I watched the entirety of the Fast and Furious franchise and got obsessively into Bloodborne and Dark Souls

At long last, we have created a way for you to take away Nikki's free will, from the classic horror movie "don't take away Nikki's free will"

Primate reinforces my belief that, no matter the scientific merit of your research, you should never give an ape an iPad. Rots their brains.

I’m sure the old-timey butcher thing makes sense in context, but given I’m just a random townsperson getting murdered to establish your menace I find it kind of baffling. The cleaver is scary, sure, but when you sliced me you yelled “Now serving number die!” and that felt forced. Maybe work on that