Rachel

cats in sheet music

Today I begin defending the honor of a mid-price chain restaurant. I will bring it up in every political discussion from now until the end of time. I will never let this go. Thus will my life have meaning.

There are a lot of things I need to get done in the next two weeks, and I can't decide if making a list will make me feel organized and motivated or if looking at such a list will cause me to burst into tears and eat peanut butter and jelly directly out of the jars.

you know you were thinking it

Zacharia is out, but the bananas I bought on Tuesday still aren't ripe.

I’m never leaving this app

Remember when Dukakis rode in a tank

“Treeeees”

I had never heard of Shane Gillis until today, but as near as I can tell, he's an Adam Carolla wannabe, which is probably the funniest thing about him and also the saddest.

I wonder if anyone remembered to take Mitch McConnell home.

Opened my email this morning to find that my health insurance company wants me to send them some documents and my financial planner wants me to call him, but what I really want to do is stand on some train tracks.

I believe this probably happened because it's so boring. JD only thinks it's interesting and amusing because he doesn't know what normal interactions with other humans are like.

This deserves an honourary knighthood

Most TV is just this now.

I’ve become obsessed with the disappearing night sky. I miss going outside wherever I was and seeing the stars! Glad to be able to write about this for @us.theguardian.com. Thanks to the kind readers who have already sent me emails about their own night skies. www.theguardian.com/environment/...

I recorded this conversation.

Nordstrom periodically sends me email about what's on sale and it's always stuff like this. Meanwhile, if you added up how much I spent on everything I'm wearing right this minute, it would be about $17 and the brand name Hanes appears more than once.

I don't understand why my grocery app requires two-step verification. Is there some kind of clipping digital coupon crime wave that I'm unaware of?

How to get rich quick: 1. Use hard-earned money to buy health insurance 2. Never use health insurance 3. PROFIT!

Old English predates Shakespeare, who wrote in Early Modern English, by about 800 years. Olde English is not a language; it is a malt liquor.

The worst part of Bonta caving on the Paramount merger is that it's a big flashing signal to every other company that there is no antitrust enforcement in America and you can bully your way into getting whatever you want. It's a monumentally bad decision.

Happy Earth, Wind & Fire Day to all who celebrate.

Why don't bakeries sell normal muffins? Bakery muffins are either 600-calorie monsters or they're mini muffins. Don't even show me a mini muffin. They could make standard sized muffins. They have standard sized cupcakes. They have the technology.

Share if you agree

I mean if you really want to hear Ed Sheeran without any opening acts you can simply get put on hold with your bank

Laughing at Grassley's gavel banging getting slower and quieter and finally he gives up. Assume deer dead.

The right to vote is one of the most fundamental parts of our democracy. Check your voter registration at IWillVote.com and make a plan to vote early or on Election Day on November 3.

Still, I think the Republicans won on their essential goal, which was CHAOS. Put it like this: *I’m* sure as hell not going to mail in a ballot. I might still vote early, but in-person for sure.

Here, at least 5 justices are signalling their belief that when this case comes back, on the merits the government is likely to lose.

BUT, the Court in its unsigned opinion not only ruled against the government on the equities, it also found that the government was not likely to succeed on the merits of having the power to put these rules in effect.

There was a color-coded threat level system that no one understood.

The president told us to go shopping to support America

Everyone still using X is using a website that produces and distributes CSAM. It is disgusting and immoral and nobody has any excuse for not being fully aware at this point.

There's still time to save the #RoadlessRule and all that it protects. The comment period has been extended, but it's open only until Oct 6. We need as many people as possible to raise their voices and urge the Forest Service to keep roadless #NationalForests protected 🔗➡️ bit.ly/4goOc6L

Drop some weapons.

When he tells the story next year, he'll be carrying the two firemen.

when your human says the kitchen is closed but then you hear them opening a bag of chips

1. Elon Musk is spending millions pushing Americans to VoteSafe, which bills itself as a voter registration site but is actually a digital surveillance machine.