Ross Sayers

[James Stewart as Odysseus] now listen here, Agamemnon, I'm going home, y'see. You keep your fancy armour, I'm getting off this crummy ol' beach. [Spotting the Cyclops] now here's a curious fella, he's only got one peeper

Must be a nightmare trying to get annual leave at this time of year if you're a Lindt Master Chocolatier

Reform and Tories have pledged to reverse ULEZ repeatedly.

Oh you want me to go see the movie everyone is talking about? Go see it at a cinema? The place where they literally drive a train at you?? not gonna happen lol 😂

Another one here where the British press just smashed fuck out of a member of the public’s life for no good reason, just because they wanted to and nobody will stop them doing at. And they’re still going, even now.

It's gone a bit far now

Ed Gamble: and who do you think were definite faithfuls? Jesus: hmm Matthew, Andrew, Judas Ed Gamble: *struggling to hide his smirk* I think it's time to open the envelope

Would love to see the back of comedy roasts. Imported American mean-ness which ultimately leads to guys having to one up each other in offensiveness. Norm McDonald knew they were a joke, treated Bob Saget's as such and will never be topped

I think Leigh-Anne will have some heat on her since she has clearly joined The Black Parade

Getting kicked out the orgy for constantly calling it picky bits

Graham Norton: the film is mad The whale from Whalefall: ooooo Tom Cruise: that's wonderful, let me shake your flipper Kevin Bridges: how can he understand the whale but no me Graham Norton: did you get that Tom? Tom Cruise: *still holding the whale's flipper* you did it man, that's beautiful

Why would I use ChatGPT when I could just ask The Mold On My Walls like I've been doing for years with no negative consequences

JK: should I write the words "I wrote about whether I want trans people dead" The black mold crawling up her wall: yes I'd say so, another marvellous idea mother

Our podcast 'I've Got An Idea For A Podcast' is back for season 2! Available on Spotify, Apple and all the other places 💡 open.spotify.com/episode/6Mg9...

Paulie Walnuts: you're not gonna believe this Tone, Greta Gerwig's starting with the Magicians Nephew Tony Soprano: Listen here. It's the first in chronological order and it'll allow Greta's work to distance itself from the 00s films. Now I don't wanna hear no more about this

eBay users! Don't ignore today's email, even though it looks like a boring standard update to the User Privacy Notice. They want to use your data to train AI models. If you click the link over the words "the right to object", it takes you to a page with a toggle button letting you opt out.

Anyone else get survivors guilt when it comes to no longer working in retail? I was in a big discount place yesterday with pallets all over the place and only one person on the checkouts and I was uneasy the whole time. Was certain someone was going to ask me to jump on the tills

Ok I'll be the one to say it. Baked Alaska is a top tier dessert and it's a travesty how rare it is these days

I don't understand what's going on with the Hydro in Glasgow. Noah Kahan and Barack Obama, fair enough. But Hearsay, Liberty X, Bloc Party, The Darkness (a band who have a song mentioning how much they love playing the Barras). Must be financially worth it somehow?

We are shocked and saddened to hear the news of @sinead1988.bsky.social passing. Heart felt condolences to her family and friends. 💔

James Blunt thinks he's Sherlock Holmes Maya Jama thinks she's Moriarty Jerry Hall thinks she's Jessica Rabbit

MIRANDA: if all the Beatles movies come out on the same day, I'm seeing the George one first CHARLOTTE: John for me, he wanted us all to get along SAMANTHA: I'm a Ringo gal, a man who can keep a beat can always give me his drumstick CARRIE: Big saw Digger and now he wants to be called Bigger

'What is the charge? Reading a Rooney? Reading the succulent pared-back prose of a Rooney?'

I have never seen coverage of a live trial, one involving allegations of multiple sex attacks on multiple women, framed in a more distasteful way. It's not 'Fame under fire' it's a rape trial. And it involves actual women. And this from the *checks notes* BBC

Breaking News: Faber, the publisher of Sally Rooney, has said it will "no longer supply her works in the UK in any format" following legislation on the Palestine Action group from the UK government.👇

BBC is all about showing both sides so I'm looking forward to hearing from people who think she is correct and also from people who think she doesn't go far enough

MIRANDA: I'd love to be a Traitor CHARLOTTE: I would have to be a faithful, I just couldn't handle that kind of pressure SAMANTHA: I don't care what they make me as long as I get some turret time with James Acaster CARRIE: Kelly Clarkson wants to buy Big

Andy Robertson has been Freaky Friday'd by Cristiano Ronaldo (Al Nassr edition)

I'm not saying my luck is bad right now but I had a tenner on under 0.5 Scooby Doos on the pitch in the first 10 minutes

Hmm vote must be not close at all, otherwise they'd have done the cliffhanger for the final vote

God this show is just the business. James Blunt saying 'sometimes the most obvious theory is the right one' and I was thinking, ok, he's going to say Richard E Grant literally told everyone he's a traitor...but no. A mad conspiracy instead.

[Celebrity Traitors writers room] Writer 1: so for this episode...should we do...coff Writer 2: coffins again I was just about to say that. People can't get enough of the coffins

This show is a machine designed to drive Ross Kemp insane

Hahahahaha they couldn't care less. 'Not Amol! Aw noooo pass the jam'

MIRANDA: I think Man City should have the book thrown at them CHARLOTTE: just because they're rich doesn't mean they're guilty guys SAMANTHA: I'd let Haaland slip a few into my net ROSS KEMP: Carrie told me Big is moving to Paris...is that some kind of secret phrase to kill me in plain sight?

They should absolutely kill Ross Kemp in plain sight now. Have Richard put a hat on him and say 'look I'm a traitor and I'm killing you in plain sight' and everyone will just laugh and say 'silly Richard, he wouldn't do that if he was actually a traitor'

Look at how they've got my boy Ed Gamble dressing. Just let him wear his mosher t-shirts

Person: hello Ross Ross Kemp: wow....that's a secret phrase isn't it....you've killed me....you piece of shit

Ross Kemp: Most Dangerous Hats

'I cheered, I cried, I told everyone I was a traitor'

Amol Rajan's performance in this episode