Sethmethod

GUY WHO ONLY WATCHES DAVID CRONENBERG MOVIES: So you’re telling me that my thyroid has gone haywire, and is now growing a thyroid army throughout my body to destroy the real me? DOCTOR: Yes, I guess that is one way to describe thyroid cancer. GUY: This is just like a David Cronenberg movie…

Sorry but this isn't how you take care of a hotel

when the sales associate tells me the price

You’ll be hearing from my attorney, Charles E. Cheese, Esq.

SENSEI: Are the bees not sad when the beekeeper takes the honey? KEANU REEVES CHARACTER: (thinking) the bee knows that life can still be sweet, even without honey SENSEI: Now you are ready

I would simply kick him away

Two ties in one day? Now that would be exciting

Ass, gas, or grass. Can I have some?

And if these numbers weren’t horrifying enough, Israel slaughtering 75,000 Gazans would be the proportional equivalent to about 12,375,000 Americans being murdered 😢

What if it happened on Election Day?

(Slapping the clitoral hood): You can fit so much female pleasure in this bad boy

It’s time for Some targeted harassment

If you tank a lethal injection you should be free to go

Orchestration layer sucked me off

When I say we desperately need a Democratic doctor in the US Senate I mean it.

Everything is smaller and more intimate outside of Texas

Perfect night to fuck in a cemetery

She wanted Tom Selleck. Sorry baby, best I can do is John Stossel

I have jury duty on Monday

I thought this was just beautiful. Kurt Vonnegut takes a walk to mail a letter:

🚨 CLOACA ALERT 🚨

Did the UK figure out a way to clone Elizabeth Holmes in a lab?

Did you guys know that the Irish were the first slaves?

I actually came up with the idea of filling the triumphal arch with "sniper ammunition" and drones. My thought was, since it's going to be hollow inside (?) there's a lot of great storage space in there that would otherwise be going unused. Simply put the sniper ammunition and drones in there.

me and my mimic tear would have killed Tilly Norwood with greatswords i can tell you that much

Imagine how much Mitch McConnell’s closest family and associates must hate his guts to be like, “Okay, time to go be seen in public!”

ISAAC CHOTINER: well mr. cruise, im impressed. you've given me absolutely nothing TOM CRUISE: [weirdly aggressive handshake] its been a pleasure. what was the name of that series you mentioned? ISAACH CHOTINER: dragonball z TOM CRUISE: goku, right. excellent, thanks for having me

[DOOMER DOCUMENTARY VOICEOVER]: By the mid 1990s, the average white American was only allowed to make racist remarks about Asians. By the 2010s, this was further restricted to where only Asians could make such remarks. Even these often came in the form of self-deprecating jokes about math tests

We spent all summer wondering who would fill McConnell’s seat. But he’s still perfectly capable of filling his own seat, through use of adult diapers

🚨MARKET ALERT🚨 Jim Cramer has come out in defense of capitalism 📉📉👎🔻⤵️🏚️

Sir, as your attorney I advise you to keep posting

White Sox winning the AL Pennant, book it

Ice cave pussy got me transported to the astral realm

dudes rock

What if we made the Omelas child omnipotent

Every post provides a fun and exciting new opportunity to misspell Ed Shareen’s name

More like Macklemost

Sliding into Trumps truth social DMs to tell him that his Federal Reserve chair is disloyal

Mitch McConnell tie your own shoes challenge

Hakeem Jeffries mentor👇