[Sic] Burns

I’m typing stuff in here but nothing’s changing out there. I better pick up the pace

taking notes so i don't forget to go fuck myself

How dare he insult thousands of suburbanites sitting down with their boutique store packages just looking to enjoy a cosmo and 8,000 calories

Oh no Susan Saint James is gone the only star who could quicken my pulse despite a name that triggered my guilt

But his Cheesecake Factory!

any day can be a cheat day when you’re a piece of shit

I took this one right before the fangs started coming in…

I’m not eating cookie dough at 3 am you’re eating cookie dough at 3 am

Ronald killed more than them combined

you’re laughing? her name was lola she was a showgirl and she lost her youth, her tony, and her mind at the copacabana and YOU’RE LAUGHING??

Can I kill two birds and vote early for the 2028 election too

This fall has been a dream Each day the outdoors beckoned…

Halloween candy is expensive this year, so I’ll just be handing out advice on how to keep the man from getting you down

Reverse cowgirl so I can use this candle to put a lil pentagram on your back and watch the last little dribble run down the cra... MOM SHUT THE DOOR I'M TYPING BANGERS!!

No wonder they wanted to allow beastiality in the feds — the president is just rat-fucking out here in broad daylight

Open your eyes, look at that reply guy’s feed

The world is terrible but look East every once in awhile

Hold me closer Spiny Norman

Some of you have forgotten how to shake your little tush on the catwalk and it shows

First movie you saw that made you cry from your soul? www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7rZ...

I would share the statistics I've gathered on crop circles but the spreadsheets are just punkass farm numbers flattening out rows and columns with boards

I’m always racing home to do all the nothing I can

Log me out unsafely, daddy

Gather ‘round, kids, let me tell you a story. There was a time when there would be a saxophone solo before the guitar solo, and it made everybody very, very happy. People are gonna tell you not to do drugs but I don’t know, man. I don’t know

Wish I knew where I could buy a crossbow, oh thanks America!

The storm is up, and all is on the hazard.

#AT40

Jimmy Webb could write a gorgeous melody with one ear tied behind his back #AT40

My first memory of an entertainer’s death. This guy was special and 8-year-old me didn’t get how he could suddenly just be gone #AT40

If anybody lets Donny in you’re both going right back out #AT40

Guys I think I nailed my James Bond audition everyone in the teardrop trailer said I totally deserved the $5 off coupon for next week’s Chippendales show

In The Who’s Doctor Jimmy on the Quadrophenia album, Roger Daltrey unleashes the finest f-bomb in all of recorded music history at 1:58 after singing “Her fella’s gonna kill me…”

Lighter posting while I deal with BlueSky making itself look like Twitter on my iPad. Fuck👏off👏with this shit

Why’d they call it Wicker when Beauty and the Basket was right there

After this the only Ohio job Vivek might get is Put-in-Bay rental boat wrangler and vomit-mopper

*takes a drag off my candy cigarette and tells the neighborhood kids…yeah we didn’t have water bottles and had to actually pedal a bike

Some super hot people in the grocery store this morning what say we take a chance and turn this into a polymarket

I eschewed iambic pentameter for a Shakespearian sonnet and ohhh mama

This boss of the year needs a cousin Eddie to kidnap his ass

You heard it here first the Liberty Biberty guy is the new James Bond

Asking the magic hateful 8 which one of these bastards is up to no damn good

Experts in their fields would have you go on a documentary and interview in basic shared knowledge for their specific thrill, narrators crawling Ring-like out of the tv to beg for some fucking jargon ffs