Kellalena

Hate when someone figures out my password and I have to rename my cat

Hot take: “Glizzy” is an awful word that should not be permitted anywhere near our food.

Me and my twin brother, oh the pranks we pulled on our grade school teachers. Ha! They still haven't found Mrs. Grady. And they never will.

me: pendants annoy me him: why? me: they think they know everything him: I think you mean “pedants” me: *under breath* fucking pendant

Patching the empty space inside me with donut holes.

I panicked when I had to list some personal references. All I could come up with was the cast of Sanford And Son and a couple of Santa's reindeer.

Your gut microBio-Dome results are in, and your microPaulie Shore levels are THROUGH THE ROOF, Kevin

There are so many types of fungus in the mulch where I work, I will probably die before I can taste test them all.

Friend: You plan to zip tie a 3 foot plastic blow up candy cane to the railing? Me: I’m low on patience these days. I’d zip tie a care bear if it annoyed me.

I only want to be conscious enough to appreciate being unconscious.

This day in history. 2007. Singer Donovan and his advisor film maker David Lynch announced plans for the Invincible Donovan University. To be located near Glasgow or Edinburgh, or somewhere, and feature daily training in Transcendental Meditation and Yogic Flying, it never really got off the ground.

This day in history. 1975. Bruce Springsteen appeared simultaneously on the covers of Time, Newsweek, and Bolo Tie Quarterly.

Never friend your current coworkers; it allows them to see how cool you are and then they want to hang out with you.

daaamn girl, are you Spencer’s? bc you’re completely absurd but i have an insatiable urge to be inside you

Nothing ruins the morning like gaining consciousness

Time to suck at life again. LFG!

Shutting the fuck up, it’s not just for breakfast anymore

(Scrolling my own posts) lololololol, that post is hilarious! Only 28 likes? Whatever, people!

I'm just delusional enough to remain stubbornly optimistic.

I wonder if DoorDash will deliver to my bedroom. I’ll give them five stars.

Confession: I’m among the tiny minority of people who contain no wolves at all. Yes, I suffer from advanced wolflessness.

Some notifications just hit harder

My sex life can best be described as “getting laid to rest”

my heart races every time i see her (terrified)

My drug of choice is a full tank of gas and three bags of groceries

find something beautiful and protect it from everything that isn’t

Sometimes I worry that laying down in my free time isn’t a hobby

how do i turn off the phone part of my phone

if i were a Trill i would simply blame all my bad posts on the symbiont

That awkward moment when you

Is it even possible to stop eating toasted pumpkin seeds?

Thoughts turned dark overnight, but that’s what lamps and sunlight are for.

I just think it's a little suspicious that Pete Townshend has nothing to do with Whoville.