Stop Making Cents

Fucking hell.... www.cnn.com/2025/02/09/b...

Careful what you wish for

Everything Musk does lacks creativity and curiosity. He copies others, he steals from others, and in cases like this, he lazily accuses his opponents of doing exactly what he is doing. He’s mentally bankrupt; and I wish there was a governing body willing to neuter his obscene power.

I’ve got a prediction on how Melania 2 opens.

I appreciate that you're reflecting on this critically, but personally I'm not moved by calls for nuance on this issue anymore, because I don't think the criticisms are unnuanced. I don't think the concepts of statistical inference of vector databases are what anybody fundamentally takes issue with.

“Sure the leopards have eaten all the other faces, but have you noticed I now have the most beautiful face in the zoo?”

What if you could play a shitty football simulation with zero name recognition and the ability to do popular off-field activities like lying to your teammates about your vaccinations and being a guest on Pat McAfee’s show.

The disaster is their public approval numbers, and the money will be used to buy more ads for their candidates.

“Let’s make a show called Cupertino” - Someone who saw Apple’s HQ is in Cupertino but has never stepped foot in Cupertino

“Rodgers threw it short of the marker because he knew he had 4th down” - someone who hasn’t watch Rodgers play QB the last 2 years

Me every time I’m about to embark on a road trip with my wife and kids:

Preserve endangered animals

Giving off vibes of a maid of honor who wrote her speech on the notes app during the shuttle from the salon to the venue.

He could have written a lot less by saying: 1. I'm fine with using a service that produces CSAM 1. I'm fine with using a service that promotes white nationalists and misogynists 1. I'm fine with using a service where the CEO consistently tweaks its algorithms and AI to bend to his beliefs

First trillionaire and he can’t afford someone to make sure his hair is in order before going on camera.

anybody got a bomb?

Today’s example of “late-stage capitalism is upon us”: I went to the liquor store to pick up a few bottles of wine. They asked if I wanted a box just like any other time in my 20+ years of buying alcohol. They proceeded to ring me up for a store-branded box. So excited for liquor stores to be BYOB.

FINALLY GOT IT! I've taken well over 100,000 pelican pictures, maybe 200,000. Over 20,000 the past month alone. Today, I snagged "The One That Got Away" In my infinite optimism, I give you, a very rare: Fish success story. 🪶

This is OpenAI erasure. I’m not going to believe some scientists and a geriatric turtle over a computer telling me I will have eternal existence once I rid myself of this mortal skin suit.

As we approach the holiday season, I would like to petition @bencollins.bsky.social and @theonion.com to bring back gift boxes. I have great memories of people’s thinly masked indifference when they opened boxes like a whisk gift set.

The “do you even lift bro?” of AI promoters

People who easily believe bullshit without applying critical thinking are going to believe other bullshit. Just because the other bullshit is less wrong doesn’t escape the issue that they are extremely malleable to the next thing they are told.

Turns out COVID was good training for the world to social distance from the US.

I’m excited to see which horrible human can quarterback their team to victory tonight! #HorriBowl #PITvsCLE

“How to be a milquetoast in 30, 60, 90, or whatever-works-for-you number of days” by Spencer Cox

Darnell Washington had better be the top player to obtain in Madden’s annual Most Feared promo. He was engineered specifically for the purpose of making defenders question their life choices that led them to this moment.

“Now let’s be clear. I would have released him after 1 day, but the first 59 days I was fucking my mistress.”

I also form strong opinions about images with no linked sources. The difference is that my opinion is about the person who posted it, not the content.

I would pay good money to see a picture-in-picture live feed of Jerry Jones in every Dallas game.

repost with an image of your favorite James Bond (wrong answers only)

TIL that Satan goes by the name of Benedict.

Squirrels on suicide missions have knocked out power to Castle Rock, Colorado twice this week. Our investigation has revealed a century of squirrel attacks covered up by the pro-squirrel media.

I know it's early, but these things sell out fast and also this is one of the coolest things to ever happen to me. A comedy bit I wrote is part of McSweeney's 2026 Advent Calendar in which it'll be published as its own minibook. You can pre-order:

Can we sue his family for their inability to raise a decent human?