hot car diet coke

Theses guys should "check out" alright

Security guard night shift for a plant in the middle of nowhere in SC. I got a ticket for turning right on a red light in some podunk town on the way there and then proceeded to have the most boring night of my life. I quit on the drive home

missed National Coming Out Day. but came across this screenshot of the mass email i sent 12 years ago!

you're a long ways away from the holler, friend

ANUBIS: Why are you trying to enter 4011? Me: That's the code for bananas. They're usually much cheaper by weight than my heart. ANUBIS: Do you think this is helping?

i know this TIME cover might seem bleak but in my experience this means that AI won’t be allowed in the bathroom within 5-10 years

these people are fucking delusional. they love genocide and transphobia more than they love winning, it's truly amazing to see

waking up and popping off the top of my skull and plopping in the Special Brain i use to come up with such elevated takes as "pop country is the new punk rock"

and so, participating in the wretched society of America as an engaged voter, my calculation as a member of this poor, demonized minority group is this: if you throw me under the bus I will make it my life goal to make you lose. I will simply make it a politically unthinkable cost to abandon us.

I forgot

so how would y- oh leaving Las Vegas style, easy peasy sir the question was how would you scale your solution to 1mm requests per minute

I’m tired, boss

My “We Operate Under U.S. Law” ad is raising a lot of questions already answered by the ad.

get in loser we’re gonna alternate listening to the ting tings and lonely island on the way to the hookah bar where we’ll take turns wishing we could go to occupy

the ants in my kitchen are so stupid, they're not even going for the bread

why doesn't my cat ever cough

RIP queen you would have loved the moonlight greatsword 💔

Mind you I live in the middle of nowhere

Can’t stop thinking about Maddie’s Secret

ME: Can I use the bathroom? FRIEND: End of the hall. Sorry about the mess. And all the shower mildew. And the pissman. Just kick him if he gets between you and the toilet. DON'T piss on him. MR: He's not leaving. FRIEND: Kick him way harder than you think. PISSMAN: Kick so hard you piss a little...

Wish guys like this would just skip all of the preamble and get to the part where they claim a couple hundred 38-year-old bluesky posters forced them into turning back to conservatism, like how is this even any fun

Are we gonna talk about how everyone started saying “genuinely“ one thousand times a day seemingly overnight

Wild, alchemical, oceanic, shifting, swirling, bubbling, splashing, faucet on, left the house, liquid, sink filling, whirling, cascading, floor tile soaking, no renter's insurance having

this is how dumb you sound, democrats, when you accept the absurd premise that this is an issue that you need to campaign on

Same energy in these comments, we are so, so back

Folks is it good when you switch from Willoughby Tucker to Perverts

"AOC on Susan Collins"

Hello honey it’s me Sandra bullock on here for you officially due to the hacked on my other account I had to text you on here so you’ll be careful out there…

@deadblossomjesse.bsky.social

Hahahahahahaha

i drank cranky bitch juice at the idiot store and it was free for me they had my picture on the wall

Imagining another timeline where my folks check in on me on days like this

thinking it's a fine day to go and do bodily harm with alcohol

I’m tired I’m thirsty I’m wild-eyed In my misery, yeah

knowledge of v-coding as a matter of explicit policy is a psychological nuke, and how someone reacts to learning about it tells you a hell of a lot about them. i don't recommend any trans people look it up, if they don't already know, but cis people should.

This ham gum is all bones!