Tomb Swanson

Who knew fartmaxxing would be so popular?

This is kinda funny. That old joke about how you shouldn’t look to programmers to predict the future since they couldn’t predict the millennium would end. Powerful executives expected the status quo would persist forever?

You could not waterboard this confession out of me, much less get me to put it in an interview. Can you imagine her kid's middle school enemies getting wind of this? "You suck so much your mom needed Chat GPT to say anything nice about you."

please say it’s twizzlers please say it’s twizzlers please say it’s t

🎶Getting to mow you getting to mow all around you🎵 Am I the only one who sings this while cutting the grass?

I'm quite willing to forgive this from a 27-year-old. Welcome to adulthood! A little late to it but happy you're here regardless.

Aries: You’re trying your best, which makes your situation even more tragic.

Please enjoy my poem on the subject: If you read, then you have read. If you lead, then you have led. If you plead, then you have pled. If your metal is Pb, then you have lead

This 19th c lady’s multitool was found in the pocket(!) of an antique (1872) garment donated to the historic clothing archive at my employer. It features a button hook for fitted gloves and a tiny corkscrew. The corkscrew is too small for wine & was probably intended to open apothecary bottles.

Flashlights are SO much better as a result

2, since I‘ve met and had dinner with Steven Chu, who was later Obama’s Secretary of Energy

A discrete partnership, as opposed to a continuous one

Atomic clocks are better One impact is we have GPS

One day a reporter will finally snap back “shut the fuck up, grandpa” and become the first GoFundMe billionaire

AI firms want you to believe their fraud bot is alive so they won’t be held responsible for the fraud bot’s crimes. But there is no gray area here, they hold the on/off switches in their very human, very prosecutable hands.

Um…”before he passed away and was grateful for it” (a comma, though perhaps not technically an Oxford comma, might be helpful here)

Complete dick move, but : if it came from a legit Knicks/MSG email address, it’s not phishing.

I believe in NIST Reference Peanut Butter. It's an actual standard. It costs $1,246.00 for three 170 g containers which ship on dry ice. Compared to that, your grandma's traditional cookies are written on the wind. shop.nist.gov/ccrz__Produc...

the idea phase is the easiest and least valuable part of professional creativity. read the first draft of the first Star Wars if you doubt me Great art is made in the grinding, often miserable collision between the ethereal substance of an idea and the mud and blood and friction of reality

How will they blame this on Biden? Meeting are ongoing.

Seen this story all day today. Every headline says "27 year old Minnesota man..." I have yet to see one with the headline that the man was Somalian. The most maligned and denigrated group in Minnesota www.goodmorningamerica.com/news/story/2...

Vulnerability xkcd.com/3314/

WI GUV: Dem @crowleyforwi pulls no punches against @tomtiffanywi for shielding the Epstein class from accountability. #MarshaBlackburn voted against releasing the #EpsteinFiles in Sept. 2025 and refused to join a bipartisan investigation targeting Epstein’s bankers.

CERN Researchers Apologize For Destruction Of 5 Parallel Universes In Recent Experiment https://theonion.com/cern-researchers-apologize-for-destruction-of-5-paralle-1819579830/

Let me tell you how it will be There's one for you, nineteen for me 'Cause I'm the assman Yeah, I'm the assman Should five percent appear too small Be thankful I don't take it all 'Cause I'm the assman Yeah, I'm the assman

I will say this again and again until election day: Polls are bullshit, turnout is real. I want to believe in Blexas (h/t @katelynburns.com who always cheerleads me on this) but we only get there if we get every last person we know who supports Texas D's to the polls.

Last reskeet could say for the 2010s that it sucks because they released a beta test version of their product, to be incrementally changed through interminable updates

The combination is one, two, three, four, five

Ten billion here, ten billion there. Pretty soon it adds up to real money

holy smokes, conan strikes up a chat with a random lady on the subway and she immediately starts riffing on his level, no problem.

Assembling something and am disappointed in the choices they made in the assembly kit. Screws go into a recessed area and the short arm of the hex key is too short to tighten it all the way. Using the other orientation reduces the possibly torque to about 1/4, at the point you need maximum torque.

Saw my first dark-eyed junco of the season on the deck this morning.