Scotty Ray

replacing Batman fight onomatopoeiae with old midwestern brewery names

Baseball is stupid, but it's stupid in a manner which ennobles the human spirit. Football reveals the lies we tell about ourselves and our society for the hollow boasts that they truly are.

[calming down my pressure cooker like it's a spooked horse] whoaaaa there... Whoaaaaa

Hate it when a garlic clove is really three cloves in a trenchcoat

I hope I get something in the mail today telling me who to vote for

How to clean a waffle iron: leave it sitting on the counter for a while until you get tired of seeing it and then just put it away

He is a family man. youtu.be/EhnXlMSW3OI?...

great, expectations

🎵 TELL ME WHERE IN THE WARD IS JAIR BOLSONARO 🎵

Handing out weed gummies on Halloween but they're only CBD so all the neighborhood kids just get the tiniest bit relaxed

throuple costume idea: horse with a very long midsection

I think of good costumes every year but only about once a decade do I actually get the motivation to follow through (w/ @goblinfootballs.bsky.social)

Congratulations to everyone on the road today for their first time ever driving a car

Antibacterium soap: for when you're mad at one specific guy

Yeah, people talk, but there are times when our age gap comes in handy :) like crosswords! I do all the clues about current music, and he does all the ones about what you used to be able to call the Irish

SAVE THE DRUM SOLO Did you know that drum solos have decreased 95% since 1974? If these trends continue, the drum solo could be extinct by 2030. Do your part by giving your drummer a solo today

Hugged a bald guy with an IPA beard who I thought was a different bald guy with an IPA beard but it turns out I know him too but I don't remember his name but I just went with it and i think I got away with it

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Guy who thinks the word earbuds is airbuds: "hey man, have you seen my airbuds?"

“A.I. is democratizing art” bro my five year old gets free crayons for entering most buildings

after statehood we'll have to rename the airport after someone who isn't awful and while duke ellington is probably the most sensible pick i think "fugazi international" really rolls off the tongue

Just got tickets to see Emmylou Harris for the first time ever 😭😭

Best subscription ever

I saw Abnormally Behaving Skunk at La Luna in 1993

🎶 Whoa-oh here she comes Look out, bombs, she'll root you out Whoa-oh here she comes She's a minesweeper 🎶