Zoë Thorne

for sale: baby shoes, never worn BECAUSE HE KEEPS TAKING THEM OFF AND THROWING THEM OUT OF THE PUSHCHAIR

i hope this email finds you and then you close your eyes and start counting while it runs and hides

The collective noun for roads is a Colossus.

🎵Do you retober 🎵The 21st night of October

I'm sitting at my desk at home, sipping my coffee and thanking my lucky stars that I'm no longer at my old job at a PHP-based online platform.

Oh no. I'm catching up on week 3 of Bake Off (yes, I'm very behind) and I absolutely cannot deal with quark being rhymed with 'walk'. Nein, danke.

just to be clear, the disaster was flirting with me

Especially when the nights start drawing in, I'll often brush my teeth and get my pyjamas on early evening after putting the kids to bed and I'm upstairs anyway. Makes the transition easier later on and stops me staying up past my bedtime because I'm putting off all that faff.

If you can, get into the habit of making sure your bed is made before 6pm while you are well. If you don't make your bed as a matter of course, try it. Smooth those sheets, fluff up the pillows, straighten out the duvet, and fold your pyjamas nicely. It is a small thing that makes a huge difference.

Half the internet when Greg Davies appears on TV. #CelebrityTraitors

Selfie train. Repost this and show us a moment when you felt gorgeous. There's something about bottle green velvet that makes me feel like a 1940s femme fatale.

This does of course eliminate the possibility of anybody shouting out "Oh my god! They killed Kenny!" at breakfast. #CelebrityTraitors

My favourite quote of the series and I can't see it getting beaten: "You want the best of both worlds" "Of course I do, I'm bisexual" #CelebrityTraitors

My mates sending me the latest Taskmaster fan edit:

Fabulous thread with lots of useful tips. My personal one is that I struggle with transitions, for example getting home from the school run and sitting indefinitely in my car for no reason. I now, genuinely, chug a pint of water before I leave so that I need a pee when I get home and run right in.

One unexpected bonus of this is that I LOVE it when people call or text in wrong answers to easily-googleable questions on untimed radio quizzes. It would be so easy to cheat! No one would ever know! And yet they join in with the spirit of it. Restores your faith etc.

Chatting to 7yo about her day and she excitedly told me, "We watched Saw! Have you seen it?" Further, very careful discussion led to the discovery that there is a short film called Soar about an elf with a plane. 😅

STOP PUTTING THE LONG S at the END OF WORDF.

ABBA. To the extent that when my choir sang Mamma Mia in a concert, she told me, "It's only because of how much I love you that I didn't get up and walk out." I have never understood why she loathes them so much. Also David Essex.

Don't break my heart. My pink and hairy heart.

I've started listening to the radio again for the first time since I was a teenager. Not exclusively but a few times a week. I'm finding it healthy to have some media that isn't curated exactly to my tastes the whole time.

I really don't want to buy into the whole "Americans are dumb and uncultured" stereotype but the fact that someone clearly went "No one will get the Beethoven reference" does make me roll my eyes. However, keeping it as the *other* Cambridge is quite funny.

One of the nice things about Celebrity Traitors is how easily and without fuss absolutely everyone uses Bella Ramsey’s they/them pronouns. See how easy it is not to be an asshole?

They hate trans folk, queer folk, neurodivergent folk, disabled folk and people with mental health conditions. Are they... are they just going after the entire Taskmaster fandom? Now awaiting "AO3 fic writers are a menace to society" for confirmation.

It's called a square root. Maybe you've surd of it.

This has got to be ragebait, surely. It had never occurred to me that someone might not butter both slices, much in the same way it has never occurred to me that I could walk around with only one shoe on.

Econ 101

A cynical person might ask, of course, why are "young men of fighting age" wearing hijabs? 🧐

Television writers: I am going to write the most evil, irredeemable character ever. The internet: I want to, and I can't stress this enough, have sex with them.

Open this photo up and look for the small, white dot just left of centre. It looks like Venus, shining brightly in the twilight sky. But it's us. It's Earth. From Mars.

This is a photo of some rocks and sand. It was taken earlier today, with a camera 247,000,000 km away. It was taken on Mars. And now you're looking at it on your screen.

like oh no, I gave the rich kid a piece of cake what if he accidentally learns the state can treat all kids equally and he doesn’t have to rely on his asshole dad

Hey news I’d like more of this sort of thing Comedy wildlife photography award finalists 2026 – in pictures www.theguardian.com/artanddesign...

Me returning home from a shop at Aldi #CelebrityTraitors

Sat next to a crying baby for the entire flight. I don't mind though. Feel like they were the only other passenger who truly grasped the unnatural horror of our undertaking. Man does not belong to the sky. The real monsters are those who remain silent.

I only know Garroway from her time on Traitors so, for me, this is like watching Winnie the Pooh chase down and eviscerate a deer.