DoubleTrouble

Being abducted & forced to rub lotion on my skin while being held captive in a dark, dank pit in a basement would probably fix me.

No one is giving their expensive drugs to your kids for Halloween. Calm down

Seeing the same night sky and being connected by those little pinpoints of light

Me and my regular group who like my posts

Show me a meme you made

You can have it all My empire of dirt And I’ll lend you my Tide pen for your shirt

Im a bitch Im a lover Lethal weapon Danny Glover

I don't like egg nog but if you have any other types of nog please let me know

My ten gallon hat only holds nine gallons of salsa

Today's tshirt

I’ve been trying to come up with a scary Halloween costume. I’ve decided to dress up as a group of coworkers forced to sing Happy Birthday.

What if we kissed at Nickelback bridge? (this is in my neighborhood and has been here for 3 years lol)

Never friend your current coworkers; it allows them to see how cool you are and then they want to hang out with you.

Where are all the right-wing Brazilians hiding out right now? At the Cope-uh Cabana.

roll into the couples skate with a pastrami on rye

after I post I make another little post so the first one doesn't get lonely

Reverse cowgirl so I can use this candle to put a lil pentagram on your back and watch the last little dribble run down the cra... MOM SHUT THE DOOR I'M TYPING BANGERS!!

Is there a more grunt saying than "my shit's all fucked?"

It's too expensive to huff gas these days

Hot single witches in your area want to put a hex on you

I need a bidet for my brain

probably going to get motivated just out of nowhere any minute now

but what is the crux of the anti-matter

look i don't have time for this either, but i really need to avoid some stuff i do have time for, so you see my skeets

I need whatever it is that gives cats energy when they get the zoomies

Sneaking a bite out of all the potatoes in the produce section

A guy in a cloak with sharp fangs keeps knocking on the door, asking to be invited inside. I told him not without an offering of cheese.

logging on

Trail mix but it's just a bag of m&m's

Trying to relax my brain. I worked so hard today that I'll probably see numbers in my sleep. (I know, not funny or particularly interesting but pure truth).

I'm just delusional enough to remain stubbornly optimistic.

Might need to take some peyote to find my shitposting spirit guide