beef boy

virgin birth out my penis. jesus 2 is ripping out of me like bugs bunny's fingers in a double barrel shotgun

amen? actually it's some men. 12 to be specific

republicans’ closing message could not be clearer: they are the party of pedophile rapists

ill be fucking their little tri-corn hat wearing asses up. founding fathers never saw brazilian jui jitsu. Never saw muy thai. im putting ben franklin in a kimura.

getting tied up during a bank robbery and its very obvious that the robber has extensive experience with shibari

Look how they desecrate hamburger church

Man this PHP vulnerability is serious

The popular monsters of the era reflect the cultural zeitgeist. In the 2000s, it was zombies. In the 2010s, it was vampires. And now, it's women!

we're in the vibe code era baby. nothing matter at all. throw 1000000 lines in a PR and have Claude and Copilot jack each other off in the comments

lmao RIP

called a redditor an "illiterate hog" but decided to delete the comment because I can't afford to get banned from r/DoctorWhumour

at the gym huffing paint thinner and trying to get a planet fitness employee to lend me 500 dollars

the moist cavern that is the inside of a vacuumed twinkie.

Wow this is a tight deadline. You better ping me every 5 minutes to make sure I can make it

trying to do some research for a technical interview.

trying to do some research for a technical interview.

they're gonna make the cars dogshit, i see

my life has been ruined.

every time you enter a trader joe a clicker ticks in the Trade Joe HeadQuarter (HQ) and if that clicker ever reaches 200,000 clicks they will be forced to release a Pumpkin spice chai latte with the black tea swapped for arsenic

a lot of times, if something is too good to be true, it isn't true. nobody just leaves a delicious looking worm floating around for free. they want something from you.

You know, the thing is, I had drafted this piece a month ago, and then never published it, because I thought maybe it was too mean.

three wrongs don't make a right. but maybe.. .

two wrongs don't make a right. but maybe three wrongs could..

frat boy meetcute

"what's more virgin than a computer" the things this machine and I have done together would make God weep

Your honour i object to the term petty crimes, it may be petty to you [tearing up] but they mean the world to me

Pro tip: Museums will say you "can't touch the exhibits" but smelling is almost never off limits

New York baby. You can jack off on the subway. You can eat a pizza. New York City of dreams

this worked btw

polycule

the amount of companies you see that just, didn't google anything before launching. brother your company's name is a slur.

the great genius of the Peacemaker intro is that it satisfies the engrained human urge to watch a bunch of people you recognize do a little dance

job interview tip: Bring a rope and subtly imply that you’re not doing so well mentally throughout the discussion

dirty alley. a man in front of me, crying. sweat rolls down my neck. my heart is racing, i don't know if the rats is either. i shouldnt be here. i feel a sharp tug under my hat- i scream. it's raw, the power tearing apart my throat. i don't hear the gunshot. the man lies dead. remy's wish, my burden

In brightest day, in blackest night, No evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's meanest, Beware my power: Green Lantern's penis.

watching Lanterns and this show is complete bullshit. i literally mailed them the perfect script for a Green Lanterns show. and yes, in my script, they did touch weiners

MCU-ass politics

No joke, Moral OCD was ruining my life and making me unbearably despondent, but I've been able to get through it by "Larry Daviding," where any time I do something less than noble, I play the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme in my head and accept the comedy of my pettiness.

Don't die wondering. pour river water into your socks

unfortunately posting to advice forums on reddit is part of my process

taking melatonin then fighting it

doing freak shit to the gun. tongue down the barrel, slurping up from the handle. teasing the trigger.

to everyone reaching out to me, thank you for your concern. I am okay. the fisherman released me back into the lake a few moments ago. now I just need time to recover and process, thank you 🙏

they took deviant art away from us because it Woke up the Rebellious and Uncouth parts of the mind. now we, docile sheep, beg for the butcher, the meat counter display

if Jesus came back I would suck him off but just before I would fill my mouth with cyanide so it soaks in and kills him. and because we wouldn’t get married beforehand his dad would have to send him to hell.