Brüchmann

You guys are my favorite imaginary friends.

2nd Episode: Mustang Revival - Testing the Starter and Fuel Pump youtu.be/MyhSCUuhq20

Back in the day you could look at the internet for up to an hour without getting mad.

ESPN goes to break with Pat McAfee choking on a potato

Sext

My left eye keeps twitching. Which one of you is out there making poor life choices right now?

Sorry, boss. I can’t come to work today because my dog.

the weird thing about having thirty some odd tattoos is that i still think i need more

i need AI to hurry up and take my job before 7am tomorrow

Live, Laugh, Liquify the Evidence

Kinda sad today, chat.

Crying, shaking, throwing up because I just realized that a collaboration between Joan Osborne and Amy Winehouse would have been absolutely transcendent and we’ll never get to hear it.

Sunday morning #CoffeeAndVinyl. “To Be With You” Tony Orlando & Dawn

We acknowledge that no one has the bandwidth for this, but if it helps: -It’s ‘sleight of hand’ -It’s ‘bated breath’ -It’s ‘lo and behold’ -It's 'buck naked' -It’s ‘brass tacks’ -It’s ‘free rein’ -It’s ‘toe the line'

saying "fuck it send" instead of "amen" at the end of every prayer

when your life starts getting good, keep your mouth shut.

It’s a butterfly!!!

*joyfully skips right past your drama*

My favorite thing is when a dog

tits or ass? bro, the way her tendrils of darkness envelop me with a damp chill until my vision fades and time slows to a crawl and i can feel myself sinking into the void

john jacob jingleheimer schmidt? you're never gonna believe this, bro...

Any minute now!

You’re in her DMs. I’m composing a handwritten letter to be sealed with a signature wax seal. We are not the same.

That won't cut it, I need the prescription strength lasagna

Real green dresses now cost 2 million dollars.

The way you are when you're teaching a 4 year old to play tee ball is the real you.

“Would you get that same tattoo again?” Um, yeah. It’s called a touch-up. Duh.

Post Grape Nut clarity

My uber is here.

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, there can be no diggity and no doubt. If it pleases the Court; play on, playette.

Calling the pizza delivery place again to ask if whomever cut my pizza hates me.

just to be clear, the disaster was flirting with me

A Corndog Orange

NFL commentators speak normally into the microphone that is millimeters from their mouth: challenge level impossible.

Last night three ghosts appeared and taught me the true meaning of toyotathon

When life starts making sense so will I

Sunday morning #CoffeeAndVinyl. “Too Much Hurt” Don Gibson

“The internet is a store but it used to be a library” hits me like a slug to the chest

As a bird must migrate As a flower must bloom As a caterpillar must weave its chrysalis I am a cis het white male and so I must smoke a brisket at least once in each season of the year.

What a beautiful morning to do nothing

"In the future, everyone will be a Trump Press Secretary for 15 minutes."

Just one question for MAGA, given today’s news: youtube.com/shorts/OZUrj...