Don’t Run With Scissors

Autumn leaves 🍂

Final approach into Heathrow from Northern Ireland. Grateful to the captain for reminding us to put our clocks forward to 2026.

I blame the clocks changing.

If I had a Tim Minchin I'd go back and turn off autocorrect.

Calling them racist isn’t working anymore, got to think of something else.

This 👇

Ford Galaxy

Make a war film rubbish? The Bins of Navarone

No notes.

Don’t stand so Don’t stand so Don’t stand so colostomy #ASongOrMovieForThingsInBags

I would like my news without the fortification of fruitloops like Rupert Lowe.

Star Trek III: The Search for Specs #ASongOrMovieForEyesight

I left a bit of tagliatelle in the bottom of the colander overnight. In other news, I have discovered an eco-friendly alternative to both concrete and tungsten. Which is nice.

Standing up to the balaclava nonces. Inspiring.

In any given motoring situation, you can 100% rely on a Nissan Juke driver making the wrong choice.

Is this the biggest proof that time travel does not eventually get invented by humanity?

Think more "we" Imagine the positive transformation of civilisation if humanity would be/get better at thinking in terms of "we" without losing the freedom to be "me"!

As we hit October, here are observations from this summer: 🐜No flying any day 🪰 No fruit flies hanging around the food bin 🕷️ No scary looking (but very passive) garden spiders hanging about 🪰 Virtually no mosquitoes 🐝 Very few wasps (I know that’s a bee, they don’t have a wasp one) #insects

GOAT OR BIRD????

Not in IMDB.

For those at the back not paying attention: Illegal immigrants suspected of terrorist offences are not let out on police bail.

FFS So long Radio 2. Even bloody O-Whine Wynge Evans would be better.

feminise a band name Madam and the Aunts

Please can someone call the burns unit? 🔥🔥🔥🔥

1/23 Sorry, this will be long... There is a lot of shouting about what happened in the Channel yesterday. So I want to go back to basic law. Not immigration policies or political rhetoric. At sea, the starting point is simple: Preservation of life comes first under all maritime conventions.

‘Needy Amin’ Sublime.

If you ask me, the start of the decline in western society happened whenever it was decided Tupperware was shareware.

Maybe someone should tell America that when you buy bananas, you should probably eat them and not immediately throw them away.

<Planned refugee accommodation housing 1,200 asylum seekers> Piddington: WON’T ANYONE THINK OF THE WOMEN & GIRLS! <Planned arrival of up to 5,000 balaclava wearing wife beaters and nonces of the Tommy Army> Piddington: Come on in, lads- have a drink on us #Piddington #Bigots

So he was able to take on Ticketmaster and win, but not his own promoter. Yeah right, Ed. Sure.

Kushner is with the assholes on the right.

I don’t care what your Mr. Rothko said, girl. A painting should be on the wall, and that’s the end of the matter. #GirlsOwnCC

Where do you even start

Well that went well #TheArchers

All day this. Then a bit more.

I have legitimate concerns that a woman should not be manhandled, hit with a stick or have her hair pulled at an event in the UK. Can I get a slot on BBC news to express these please? Or should I don a balaclava and shut down a major transit hub instead?

‘You, Boy! Get me a walking stick. I’m off to hit loads of women on the head who disagree with me!’

It's bang on trend though ...

I think we can now all agree that Farage and Reform and the Dover thugs and Jenrick and Kruger and Tice and Pochin and Anderson and Dorries are all a bunch of complete and utter filthy hateful racist arseholes, and that literally anyone now supporting or voting for them is exactly the same too… 😒🤮

Genius.

Well he's certainly become famous - probably more than he wished for 😂👏✊ bsky.app/profile/cold...