ThorntonText

A tough thing in explaining to people why having children is enjoyable is that all the bad stuff is very easy to explain (lost sleep, lost time, more sickness, less sex, etc. etc.) whereas most of the really good stuff whispers.

Memo to Self: Do not comment on THAT post on the local Facebook group. Don’t do it. Don’t.

“The internet is a store but it used to be a library” hits me like a slug to the chest

Stranger Than Fiction for tax purposes

A definite sign of ageing is that you cannot impress me with "over 20 years" anymore. Am I expected to think this sauce is ancient, because it's as old as Nelly Furtado's Maneater?

Waking up too early: oh no Waking up too early on a Saturday: OH NO

So….many…fundraising…texts.

What if you’re both?

If you're going to insist on not having a way to pay online, then at the very least your mailed bill needs to include a self-addressed envelope. <grumble>

Most TV is just this now.

My first thought was this couldn’t possibly be real. But yup, it is at least until they chuck it down the memory hole. We are truly in the dumbest timeline.

i've been watching a lot of youtube videos about japanese home organization tips and they're all like, "this derives from the ancient japanese spiritual belief that translates to 'throw your trash in the trash can'"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eY_8... musk trailer

Sure, on the one hand Muse doesn't really do anything, but on the other hand it opens up a massive attack surface on literally all your shit

Please know that this is one of my few legitimate areas of actual, high-level professional expertise: Kicking the healthiest people off of a health insurance program will bankrupt it. Not 'could;' not 'might,' not 'probably," but absolutely will, with mathematical certainty.

Bars should give wooden coasters and carving knives to couples on dates to carve a heart and thier initials in. Then they'll have a cute reminder of the date they can take home instead of carving up the bar table. This is either the best or worst idea I've ever had.

me: HE’S STARTING TO STIR wife: shhhh me: OH MY GOD wife: be quiet me: HE’S GOT A KNIFE wife: i really hate watching cooking shows with you

BREAKING: Dingoes Ate My Baby will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran

Parenting Mistake #5,346 - Asking your kids if they know where something is when they’ll need it soon vs asking them to physically get it so they have it when it’s time to leave.

Not that I travel a lot, but I seem to go to Chicago more than I go to Milwaukee which is significantly closer, cheaper, and easier to get around. I really need to spend some time getting to know what’s available entertainment-wise there.

First I came for the Communists And I did not speak out Because I was the one coming for the Communists Then I came for the Jews And I did not speak out Because, again, I was the one coming for the Jews Then they came for me And there was no one left To speak out for me

First day of kids' school and I'm trying to keep a leash on my golden retrevier energy for the sake of my long suffering wife who'd rather just go back to bed. (It helps (?) that I recently finished dealing with something that absorbed my entire life for most of this year.)

I feel like I’m living In a dystopian novel written in 1993 that was rejected by dozens of publishers because it was incredibly stupid.

Cuteness of the day: My daughter’s impersonation of a Scottish kitten. <chef’s kiss>

Did I f’ing stutter?

I really cannot think of a greater honor than to have the Muppets say this about you upon your passing

The United States' ridiculous demand that Canada remove French to secure a trade deal—a shoddy attempt at weakening our sovereignty/making an economic 51st state—is having the absolutely hilarious effect of uniting Quebec and the rest of Canada. Y'all have no idea how hilarious and improbable it is

I’d really like a sequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit set in the 90s and featuring toons from Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network, please and thank you.

Here's a cost comparison for a bathroom part I was looking for. Amazon on left, Home Depot right, exact same part number. This was after looking at online manuals, videos, and various searches. A paranoid man would say the difference is due to dynamic pricing. This stuff drives me crazy.

I really hate that salad doesn't seem like a good choice these days.

Watch Republicans call for a boycott of MASH as anti-North Korea propaganda.

Centrists in the US: “vote blue no matter who!” *actual left wing people start getting nominated* “You’ve lost my vote, I am politically unhoused”

You know what I miss most about the old Netflix? Being curious about a foreign film that never had a theatrical release, that no one had ever heard of, and as long as it had been released on DVD, being able to get a copy for viewing inside of 7 days. Streaming is wide, but it’s also shallow.