Dave 🌷💀⏳

They should spin up a tribunal under the North Atlantic Council. Letting some Danish and Canadian judges take a crack at this admin could do double duty in mending some foreign relationships

I have what you might call a philosemetic attitude towards furries

sadder than baby shoes

"how could you betray us by still struggling to live in the terrifying crime-filled running down immigrant-populated world rather than respecting your Family and crawling down here in to The Tomb with us so we can finally seal the door? Scripture says you need to honor your family"

The Superman No Smoking Ad, but I lost the audio track and dubbed it from memory

Slopping down some pig shit with these fat fucks and I’m the fattest of them all. If I died tomorrow no one would shed a tear. Load my freakin’ lard carcass into the mud. No coffin please, just wet, wet mud. Bae.

Here’s LL Cool J trying to explain Clausewitz’s “remarkable trinity” to an uncomprehending Joe Rogan

I show my futurist buddy my jar of instant coffee and he is deeply torn between his strong Italian nationalism and his love of technological advancement. He begins to weep, fascistly

je m'appelle Napoléon Québécois

my boy Saltevia: They built a towering angel in the hard lands. A sentinel to think on our pain me: i think thats a good idea. certainly someone, or something should watch from on high my boy Saltevia: They told us to narrow our hearts though. To survive the new cold me: i already narrowed my heart

ME: i’m so sick and tired of being set upon by the baron’s hounds HER: Maybe stop hopping the fence into his estate? ME: sympathy not solutions plz HER: I’m so sorry, that sounds very painful. I know you’re trying really hard to get The Baron’s priceless egg. ME: it should be *my* egg :(

Trump at these rallies

the skull is the perfect bone because he (my skull is a man) encages the slimy brain, which defies boneship by jiggling🪼 and thinking🤔, the two extant bone anathemata. the worst bone is leg. it insists upon a destination

TREBEK: According to the lyrics of rapper Lil Ten Five Lb Labey, your nose bridge will be snapping and your cranium will be cracking when you let her drop 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 bowling ball sized snack on your face. CONTESTANT:

As ever, it was a land dispute. One pilot wanted to and the other didn't.

i had a blast but can you please not invite basho next time? his vivid depictions of the change of seasons make me painfully aware of my own transience

Croatian Tales of Long Ago — a seminal collection of short stories by the acclaimed children's author Ivana Brlić-Mažuranić. The illustrations in this 1922 edition are by Croatian artist Vladimir Kirin: https://publicdomainreview.org/collection/croatian-tales-of-long-ago-1922

there are 70 million people for whom this is the biggest song in the world. they watch comedies called like "Wives of Jim" that have run for nine seasons. they're usually pretty affable in person. in 2024 they severed the fate of humanity because of egg prices

Yemeni Anthropomorphic Stele (3rd–1st Century BCE)

I LOVE Bionicle porn!

me when dayforce is down at 9am: when will the liberatory chatbot armies free us of shitty bloatware me when copilot causes excel to crash for the 4th time: blood and stone must unite against vile silicon

British people be like “petrol, quid or minge. Nobody rides for free”

military general: we must keep our powder dry me (was hoping i’d be offered some matcha): ah yeah no for sure. kinda late anyway general (thinks i'm saying it's too dark to fight): agreed me (confirming): we'll drink matcha tomorrow general (thinks i'm doing a "dine in hell" thing): that we will

missing a few, but otherwise... solid!

🇫🇷 Incredible acapella Marseillaise after Macron's nuclear speech at Île Longue. Almost makes you want to join the French Foreign Legion.

god i'd give anything to be at the minnesota state fair right now. a hmong corndog, a bucket of chinese sausage and cheese curd dumplings, an order of ube cheesecake wontons, and unlimited glasses of ice cold milk would cure me

That’s right Pluto-bitches, stay losing. You’re never getting back in the big leagues. -this message brought to you by Venus gang

Holy shit this is the best take I’ve ever heard

yeah man "woke 1" sucked ass. I "woke 1" morning from uneasy dreams to find myself transformed into a giant insect

last person id expect to publish this

A dig-site archive. 603 entries. Specimens, fragments, remains. Fossils, jokes, hidden paths, field notes. Start anywhere. jtierney.net

mmm, raisins and basil, the perfect meal

you have been visited by "Le Boulanger Quebecois" repost to receive his blessing

Eat shit Shakespeare

I met you on a cliff (Saint Paul) What did we talk about.