fiona

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started believing in the power of two ice creams again, but i think this time i'm right and it would be good for me

who called it p(doom) and not AI2K

change my mind: 99% of forewords should be afterwords. they're packed with spoilers and fussy to discern from introductions/prologues. and it's more fun when you can't tell that a book is about to end by the number of remaining pages.

my toddler spilled milk on a chair a few nights ago and enjoyed wiping it up, and now she obsessively wipes the (clean) chair over and over, which i like to call baby macbeth mode

that first fall run in sub-70° weather is exactly who she thinks she is

if you're in brooklyn but you're not sure which neighborhood, you're in boerum hill

sliced my finger & nail and turned to google for help

baby skips straight from "a b c d e f g" to "now i know my abcs" which is actually technically consistent

the level of whimsy in each area of our apartment has is directly proportional to how much our toddler hates being there. so for example the bathtub looks like a willy wonka nautical acid trip

i work shorter days and make up a little time at night since the baby, which i alternately call "eine kleine nightworke" or "working on my night work" (to the tune of "night cheese," to the tune of "night moves")

My calculator history leaking would be 1000x more humiliating than my browser history.

that averaged out i guess

i'd rate binary a 1 on a scale from 0 to 1

vim's insert mode lets you edit text normally. don't ask about what happens in normal mode.

Dolly Parton taught me it was ok to be universally beloved

the newborn stage is over but i'm now on-call to facilitate newborn-level care to a doll under my toddler's supervision

my daughter's laugh sounds like the purest, most authentic manifestation of human joy. also she can apparently fake it on command

the gemini trapped in our google home

finally gave in to my nightly urge to eat two consecutive ice cream bars and lost not only my appetite for the ice cream bars but the soul-sustaining belief that eating two ice cream bars would be amazing

if you just change "former" to "latter" or vice versa in a slack message within 5 minutes, it shouldn't tag it (edited)

his palms are sweaty, knees weak, palms are sweaty. he forgot his lyrics already, palms are sweaty

the valsalva maneuver doesn't actually clear my ears but i do appreciate the opportunity to "maneuver"

a 7 digit security security code is a bridge too far

by today's standards conservatives were actually pretty normal about the teletubbies

my kid's books are all like "1 - fun 🤡 2 - poo 🙊 3 - pee 😅" and they have 2 credited authors, an illustrator, and a manifesto about early childhood development on the back

When I started debating this straw man I didn't expect to fall in love.

when my weather app says "56° feels like 49°" it's helpful context but when it says "56° feels like 56°" it's speaking to me like i'm a child

psychologically load bearing concepts of toddler parenthood: - i threw it on the GROUND - oops! all berries - never let them know your next move

i see a horse has won the kentucky derby again. this is beginning to feel rigged

penguin random house is so purple monkey dishwasher coded

as soon as your baby turns one your instagram reels feed becomes 100% videos of adorable toddlers behaving normally with the caption "early signs my child had level 3 autism"

me: watch out, the dishwasher is still half full keith: you're such a pessimist

i ordered a t shirt

see ya later at a seder in a while down the nile

lena dunham should have called Girls Queens of Kings

an underrated perk of working in midtown is overhearing german tourists attempt to comprehend k-shack spicy bbq cheese fries while picking up lunch

google home now pronounces vengabus like it rhymes with octopus