fredesque

waiter: is pepsi ok pepsi: take a look around you, does any of this seem ok

you believe in witch doctors? shaman you

not yet, funk soul brother

[dog thats winning the argument] see, thats just a gray herring

A funk soul brother is never late. Nor is he early. He checks it out precisely when he means to

my favorite thing about space is all the screaming you can't hear

walking into the living room i reach to flip the light switch on, but i miss. i take another swipe, another, and another, missing by a little more each time until ultimately i float off into space never to heard from again

fill my bowl now, funk soul brother

not yet, funk soul brother

emergency hotdog that heats up when you crack it like a glow stick

me: how much does the amount of fentanyl it takes to kill you cost retirement account advisor: ok now we're talkin'

woke up so energized this morning the coffee asked if it could have a cup of me

ᴳᴸᴱᴺᴺ ᶠᴬᴿ GLENN CLOSE

hey thats me

@fredtaming.bsky.social

doctor: lets test your reflexes me: thats a regular hammer doctor: then i hope theyre good

me: oops, sorry, i didnt pick the Any Card, i got this 3 of hearts magician: jesus fucking christ

real Rs move in silence like sarsaparilla

waiter: can i show you to the table me: sure waiter: here he is table: lol waiter: ikr lmao

me: did you finish inside me surgeon: please stop saying it that way

got into meal planning (bought a 6 foot party sub)

me: ever heard of quasimodo him: doesn’t ring a bell me: i assure you he does

looking a stolen horse in the mouth just because i can

salmonella has just been recalled due to contamination with e coli

pretty cool that the Razor Blades In The Halloween Candy we have to worry about this year is from what we buy at the store

walking into the grocery store and making a beeline straight to The Section That Might Kill You for the bargains and deals

pretty cool that the Razor Blades In The Halloween Candy we have to worry about this year is from what we buy at the store

inventor of worcestershire sauce: but what to call it guy that named wednesday: u ready to fuck some ppl up bro

dolly 😢

When I read posts I feel confused and unsettled but when I read a book I feel calm enjoyment. Ah well, time to read several hundred posts

damn, girl, that bindle youre carrying over your shoulder is sexy as hell [getting up to shake your hand] hi, im a hobosexual

[James Stewart as Odysseus] now listen here, Agamemnon, I'm going home, y'see. You keep your fancy armour, I'm getting off this crummy ol' beach. [Spotting the Cyclops] now here's a curious fella, he's only got one peeper

teaching a new dog an old trick just because i can

me: can i use your restroom, i really gotta go optometrist: number 1 or number 2

me: can i use your restroom, i really gotta go optometrist: number 1 or number 2

Time for my dreams to turn my fears into weird little plays

odysseus: we now set out on our odyssey. sailor: [raising hand] what's an odyssey? odysseus: a long journey named after the only survivor. sailor: oh ok wait what.

Bert and Ernie should have their own show. I don't want to have to watch Sesame Street to see what they're up to. I'm not 5

Please explain it to me like I’m a little teapot.

Do I repeat myself? Very well then, I repeat myself. I’m repetitive, I contain repeats.

me: I'm going to build a time machine him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs