Fulkery Monkery

its kinda funny how nicki minaj as press secretary would just be a normal appointment at this point

Touch grass? You mean "Touch a bunch of pesticides, litter, and goose shit"?

I’m putting surgical masks on my Crocs so they don’t get any sicker yo

Frankenberry is the name of the doctor

Stop trying to make “hot brown” a thing in KY. It is not something that anyone eats here.

Okay so Serbia’s fascist has the balls to just say “okay you won, I’m out.”

dentist appt tomorrow. if I eat a vegetable tonight, will that show up on the X-rays

I don't like egg nog but if you have any other types of nog please let me know

Manifesting a fat ass and clear skin

The whole conspiracy argument often gets so polarized that people forget both sides could be true, because villains are nothing if not opportunistic.

Moss grows on the north side of the tree except all the trees I’ve seen in real life where moss grows on all sides, otherwise it’s true

sometimes, if they’ve been good, i’ll let the groceries ride up in the front of the car with me

I’m on time, but my computer is 4 minutes late, care of windows update.

Wow, I never knew that.

So, if there is a need for an underground American resistance movement soon, a bunch of us have our code names already. I wanted something like "Nighthawk," but I got stuck with Sk8trGrrl4Lyfe69

After the oligarchs retreat into their fortified bunkers and force us to "thin the herd" by fighting for limited resources, I hope we can still be friends 🖤

They’re not your reply guys. They’re our reply guys.

Dressing for the job I want which is a bedrotting egirl

Telling how the overwhelming magrat response to the former president’s comment is basically, by way of defending Cheesecake Factory, to agree with it.

We made a comic about the Teletubbies.

It’s never a post whatever age, that shit still has to be done.

In a universe full of entropy, object permanence is a bit of a lie.

I cut someone out of my life once for judging my Taco Bell sauce packet drawer in my kitchen.

Where I used to buy weed

I probly shouldn't have ♻️ that last one...but man, is been a rough weekend over here.

The Bluesky Account That Dripped Blood logging on

Reality is a parody of itself

Max fart 😂

I can't create a slutty Chupacabra costume in a week

Passing out with this chocolate doughnut, sorry ladies, too slow

Once you switch from one alcohol to another, the healthy drink count starts over.

All that Red Dead Redemption didn't prepare me for any of this shit

Share who you think looked the hottest anyone has ever looked in a movie! 🖤

Once again here to ask that you put the chopsticks in the dishwasher silverware basket thick side down so they don’t poke through the bottom.

Finding an M&M in your bra is a good omen

The rising costs of gas for the chainsaw are really cutting into my to-do list

🎶There's two good things, that I know about. One is getting in, and the other's getting out.

I find when I’m in a good mood, some people find me to be “a lot”

Even I think that's too many Bauhaus quotes for one person's wedding vows

I had brunch today. Later I'm going to have linner

Cocaine so white it asks, "working hard or hardly working?"

Babe

JC is just trolling us at this point 😂