Hank “Ooh Scary!” Finch

My prison name is Mitochondria cus I’m the powerhouse of the cell

perfect, no notes

QTP with your favorite Pokémon! (Wrong Answers Only)

Halloween Joke 27/31 You don’t have to be a vampire, everyone can bite people and drink their blood That person becomes a Frankenstein though

The whole conspiracy argument often gets so polarized that people forget both sides could be true, because villains are nothing if not opportunistic.

Moss grows on the north side of the tree except all the trees I’ve seen in real life where moss grows on all sides, otherwise it’s true

Not to brag but I know a thing or two about fuckin' shit up.

#BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor

Halloween Joke 26/31 Vlad The Impaler actually had some good ideas

Halloween Movie 26/31 Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight II More story from the mutants’ side, not that it makes it more interesting Less gore D+

Ancient Greeks > Ancient Romans I’m not really basing this on anything but the God Of War videogames

Where I grew up there was a private mobile home neighborhood next to a lake a few miles away. Eventually the the mobile homes sold out and it was turned into a public park and we went on opening day. The ground was absolutely covered in goose shit so it must have been a real treat to live there

If you’re from Brooklyn 75% of your personality is telling people you’re from Brooklyn, 22% of your personality is your Brooklyn accent and the other 3% is telling people your from Brooklyn

Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy but isn't a selfie

Seriously, if part of your job is to chase bad guys on foot – there better be a treadmill in your future, not a box of donuts.

Add “Between My Legs” to a movie title There Will Be Blood Between My Legs

Halloween Joke 25/31 We don’t understand everything about quantum mechanics so Werewolves and Draculas are most likely real otherwise why would there be stories about them?

Halloween Movie 25/31 Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight Not really much to it Just teens in the woods with deformed people attacking them Some good gore C

Porno from Borneo

If Jesus was alive today he’d ask you to hold his red cup while so can try to do the worm at a party while wearing just a a bandana and jean shorts

“𝙸𝚝’𝚜 𝚊 𝚠𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚜.” Looking for something “off the beaten path” for your Halloween viewing this year? Try this Emmy-winning 1977 ABC special, complete with the vintage advertisements! #Halloween 🎃 #HalloweenIsGrinchNight

*appearing on your couch & handing you a cookie* Hey, did you know that crows can recognize individual human faces & that regal horned lizards squirt blood our of their eyes when scared? But you can't blurt it out to just anyone. People get very "What?" about it

Rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.

On @magictavern.bsky.social (my favorite podcast, so incredibly funny) they pronounced the name Charlotte as sher-let and it’s been years and I’ve never been able to hear the name Charlotte without saying sher-let since

CRIPES!

Folgers—best part of waking up is cum in your cup.

Me (left) with Donovan(right), the guitarist of Gold Sweats

Halloween Movie 24/31 Fear Street: Prom Queen Another fun one but more sporadic fun parts but ramps up as it goes Better than Fear Street: 1666 Back to good soundtrack again B-

Halloween Joke 24/31 Please line up in single file and calmly walk to the nearest exit away from from the hacksaw mass murderer

Dude, if I had a trillion dollars I’d buy so many scratcher cards

They call me Mr. Cool 😎 Cus I skateboard 🛹

FROM: Yelling the tv show

AI will eventually kill humanity but there are also downsides.

Your butt

GTA 🏃 🚗💨

Halloween Movie 23/31 Fear Street Part 3: 1666 The parts that take place in 1666 suck and are boring standard puritanical witch hunts When it reverts to the other timeline it’s fun again Part of the fun is the era soundtracks and there ain’t no pop hits in 1666 1666 - d+ Other timeline - B

False

Lawyer: *kidding* Hey, you could give me a piece of land Me: *dryly, kidding* I bet. Of course, if you wanna do all the bushhogging & upkeep, my family might consider it. *grin* Lawyer: *laughing* No, thanks. I'm a "sit in the shade with a beer while never operating tractors" person

Ruin a song by adding “In My Pants” to the title. Children Of The Grave In My Pants

Tell the HOA to kiss my ass

*patting your arm* Rest assured if you ever caught your belt loop on a door fixture & became trapped, I would rescue you & then we could wander the earth sharing adventures & wisdom.

Law & Order: Made Someone Cry Unit

I am Hank, Witch of the Dead

😌

an important reminder to always wear a skeetbelt