It Is Spooky Season, I Am Informed

I appreciate that everyone in my life says “wow, that’s a tough decision that only you can make” and here’s my mom, bursting through the wall like the kool aid man, going 🥳🥳🥳 “Enjoy my input, beeyotch!”

Mariana Trench Once Again Named Worst Place To Raise Child https://theonion.com/mariana-trench-once-again-named-worst-place-to-raise-ch-1819575833/

I’m Hungry But Food Sounds Awful: A Stress Memoir

Voter in Texas, did my democratic duty, please don’t yell at me and tell me I deserve to lose rights and healthcare, thanks ever so.

It's a new week, Bluesky. Trust no poll. Trust no pundit. Vote early if you can. Vote in person if you can.

I don’t think her father, the inventor of Toaster Strudels, will be very pleased to hear about this.

I really want to make fun of this couple I overheard talking about their recent trip to Puerto Val-lar-ta but we are all on our own journeys, so I will passive aggressively post about it on social media instead.

boo

My husband has returned from a work trip. Is there any better feeling than having the person who splits litter box duties with you back under the same roof?

Whenever I detect even the faintest tidings of sub-90 degree days, the Urge to Bake becomes overwhelming. The joke is that neither my husband nor I have a sweet tooth and he’s not a big fan of bread. It’s like when my cat finds a bug and wants to hunt it but doesn’t know what to do with it.

Hey, I’m just asking questions. Ignorant questions, bigoted questions, questions that have been repeatedly answered for many years. Sorry, but I’m not listening to answers right now; I’m far too busy asking questions. It’s called being intellectually curious.

Always a treat to be reminded of an old friend

I just finished Flanagan's "Fall of the House of Usher." I'm haunted by the notion of additional Ushers out there who don't even know it. Can you imagine living your life in Estonia or somewhere and Carla Gugino taps you on the shoulder and says "Hey, so, bad news..."

I asked my husband to see if the store had a specific product, “but if not, no worries.” It’s hard to turn off the work speak, I tell you what.

Pretending the days after Sept. 11, 2001 were some kind of gauzy Hallmark special when we came together as a country is nauseating and ahistorical. The country went completely insane and has not recovered

RIP, Dolly. youtu.be/TkrIQ0XEeFU?...

“‘Cathy, I’m lost,’ I said, though I knew she was sleeping.” -America, Simon and Garfunkel (Bonus for the next line, too: “‘I’m empty and I’m aching and I don’t know why.’”

I keep seeing "pencil slop" being said by AI people as rage bait, and I'm like damn even your insults are ungrounded shallow empty ripoffs of something that already existed.

Study Finds Gen Z Telepaths Lack Attention Span To Read Even Single Mind https://theonion.com/study-finds-gen-z-telepaths-lack-attention-span-to-read-even-single-mind/

InfoWars is now live.

How long until the US’s data center backlash leads to them being built in South America for US companies? Kalshi markets are cowards for not taking bets on it.

IT'S LIKE RAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIN ON YOUR FIGHTING STAGE!

"To make the most of my twilight years, I’ve cultivated a detached numbness to death that would give the grizzliest veteran of Guadalcanal the thousand-yard stare."

NEW YORK—Finding himself unable to tolerate the continuing stubborn refusal to address the real issues at hand, apartment dweller Jordan Stills has declared himself “sick and tired” Wednesday of hearing his upstairs neighbors skirt around the core conflict of their long-running argument.

When I started dating my husband, I made more money and had a more advanced degree than him. What mattered is that he's scorchingly funny and so thoughtful that it takes my breath away sometimes. Believe in yourself, that you have more to offer than "financial stability, maybe". Aspire to more.

WHAT DO WE WANT MORE CLICKBAIT WHEN DO WE WANT IT OUR ANSWER WILL SHOCK YOU

Putting "Not sushi. Not steak. Just problems." on my tombstone

#MetGala2026

Bedknobs and Broomsticks. My sister loved it and always wanted to watch it and I haaaaaated it.

Happy anniversary of this not happening

USPS, I desperately need you to pull it together. I love you. I want to love you. Please release my package from purgatory and put it in my hot little hands, I beg of you.

Tonight’s dumb napkin cartoon…

Hospital Decides Cancer-Sniffing Leopard More Trouble Than It’s Worth

Space makes me woozy.