jonny t🎃🎃thpick

my personal brand is sincere absurdity

The Smiths but it’s just me tapping my foot against the table leg

Five kinds of users

for no particular reason

Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy, but isn’t a selfie

To pay a bill, press 1. To awaken ravenous tentacled horrors that slumber in the void between worlds, press 2. To hear your balance, press 3.

please say it’s twizzlers please say it’s twizzlers please say it’s t

[If you see this, post a random picture from your device without explaining it].

Logging in because leaf peeping isn’t an option

I would love to see the Democratic governor of MA say that the state should be a leader in supporting the humanities in public higher education, and call out UMass for its failure to do this. Say that the purpose isn’t just job training but also preparing people to live in a democracy.

It is finally close enough to Halloween to share this

#thingstowriteabout What if we could grow love like #bacteria in a petri dish? Would it be science or witchcraft?

we made it to tomorrow and just in time

the sundays are more scared of you than you are of them, just a quick head's up

Death of a Corndog

First person to go on a wild goose chase: I have no idea how to express the futility of this to others

Ever since I watched the movie Jaws, I’ve been terrified of swimming in the ocean with a canister of compressed air in my mouth.

Virgo: Autumn is a time for transition. The leaves change and fall, the grass turns brown and brittle, unpicked crops rot in the field, the world grows dark and frigid and...we're not sure where this one was headed, to be honest.

she wanted to ████ but I couldn’t █████ my ███ because my right rear tire was low (emotional)

Forever doing a combination laugh and sympathetic frown because I didn’t quite catch that

headed to michigan today for a visit w an old friend. amtrak, take me away.

like, repost, repost, like, like, like, banish to the netherworld because jfc, repost, like, like

Favourite film in haiku: Man kills man with bone Bone turns into a spaceship Big ol' space baby

introvert is a portmanteau of intrusive thoughts and pervert

Never thought we’d reach the stage where elections are a choice between democracy or fascism.

Please do not thirst follow me. I am non-corporeal.

Ruin a book by adding a word Lord of the Onion Rings

sending hugs telepathically

I want to be rich enough to leave the house-sitter notes like: "If the tiger looks bored, jog him on the treadmill. He can watch Friends."

My DNA results confirmed I'm 23% Filipino, 27% Mexican, and 50% the plastic covering on my grandma’s couch.

missed National Coming Out Day. but came across this screenshot of the mass email i sent 12 years ago!

Awake against my will again.

Kramer v Kramer for Tax Purposes

me: are we there yet? life: yes, we are there

But, on a more positive note, your reskeets are very good