TwoSense

[clouds in my eye] Describe to me this Daniel you speak of.

When you’re basically half shoe

Disowning a child is the same thing as cutting your heir.

me: pendants annoy me him: why? me: they think they know everything him: I think you mean “pedants” me: *under breath* fucking pendant

Chili Palmer pizza: Calabrian chili cream, ricotta, mozzarella, caramelized onions, crumbled Italian sausage, roasted red peppers, crushed red pepper flakes and basil on a wood-fired, Neapolitan style base at Bettola, Rolfe Square, Cranston, RI, USA. #rhodeisland #restaurants #bars @bettolasocial

pizza, on a Monday???? It’s more likely than you think! 🍕

“So, you struggle with adhd?” I’m pretty sure it struggles with me.

"you don't have to post every thought you have" well that is news to me

you’re laughing? her name was lola she was a showgirl and she lost her youth, her tony, and her mind at the copacabana and YOU’RE LAUGHING??

learning chemistry by posting nonsense jokes and getting corrected

sometimes i’m like “maybe i’m posting too much” then i’m like “nah, i don’t post ENOUGH”

Team runny yolk for life. I probably post this a lot. That's what for life means

if I had a boss I would simply jump on their head three times to defeat them

Sometimes I worry that laying down in my free time isn’t a hobby

finishes exercises to pump up the glutes. goes directly to sit on them.

butter is only for people who believe

Of all the senses, adventure is my favorite

Kōlsch 🍺 and a mushrooms 🍄‍🟫 and pepperoni pizza slice 🍕

Them: nice runner’s legs Runner: thx! you wanna see my feet?

I have the kitchen pantry of a grandmother raised during the great depression *flirting*

Maybe my depression will ease with some in-n-out in my mouf

That, and in this economy? No thank you.

“AI is the most revolutionary technology in human history” AI when you show it a picture of baby poop:

Me and my regular group who like my posts

Does everyone look better at closing time or do mai tais deceive me?

Americans will sniff your farts if you tell them there’s protein in it

Dracula’s dentist recommends Invisalign for Snaggletooth

too little, too late is a great time-saver

If you flirt with me, I will in no way cooperate.

Me and my regular group who like my posts

Wall-E 2: hover chair delivers mushy food into the mouth and wipes the dribbles.

Bro

if i were a Trill i would simply blame all my bad posts on the symbiont