Kat Alderson 🙃

Nope. Can't. Changing my name to Regina George and taking up Lacrosse.

"This is some bullshit - need treats!" German Shepherd (Probably)

Holding it all together with stuff from my junk drawer

Who you gonna call 📞

Never go to bed in a suit of armor or you might wake up to pee in the metal of the knight.

My grandpa used to say "Always make sure you do before you don't." I still have no idea what that means but I think about it every day.

Why's it called a Coast Guard cutter and not a sea-saw?

At first I didn't know what my neighbors thought about the igloo on my front lawn but now they seem to be Inuit.

I’m just a girl standing in front of a washing machine, waiting for it to finish the spin cycle

Golly.

I wore my "welcome, great pumpkin" t-shirt out today and no one commented on it. I hate it here.

I stay in shape by always doing things the hard way.

I'm pretty stellar as long as no one asks too much of me.

Child: are grilled cheeses healthy? Me: sure, why not.

"You can't have any frozen custard if you don't eat your cheese!" ~Wisconsin, probably

logging on to string more lights on my dumpster

I want to be rich enough to leave the house-sitter notes like: "If the tiger looks bored, jog him on the treadmill. He can watch Friends."

Sorry I dropped you during the trust fall but it was a minor inconvenience to catch you

"How you gonna do it if you really don't wanna dance?" "By sitting on my couch and getting high, duh."

If you're living your life vicariously through me, understand you now have to race the cat to the toilet at least twice a day; he can't be expected to use a litter box because litter boxes are nasty.